The Love Bus has many admirable qualities but functional air-conditioning is not one of them. And so, with the recent heatwave that has hit our fair city, we have found ourselves under house arrest.
My friend KT rang and said “I don’t know how Anne Frank did it.”
What do you mean? I asked.
“Stay in those small rooms for so long.” she replied. Uh, I expect the fact that her country was being run by people who wanted to kill her might have played some small part in her staying power. The heat – however ferocious – doesn’t quite match the intensity of the Third Reich.
But still, here we are on Day Three of temperatures of 43° C and above (that’s 109.4° F, baby), with a “cool change” predicted at some point soon, sending temperatures plummeting to a positively chilly 35° C… And all this has dovetailed nicely with the end of the six week summer break, so everyone is on their most charming behaviour anyway.
I found myself on Day One wondering out loud on Facebook (as you do) about how much TV would be considered too much when it was over 40 degrees outside. ValleyGirl came up with the most reassuring answer:
Um – enough is probably enough when the sun has gone down, they’re all asleep on the sofa and you want to transfer them into their beds. Aww, those tired little glazed tv eyes, so cute.
Meanwhile, another friend, who I think has now converted to Foxtel as her new religion, said that the TV was simply turned on with the air-conditioner the minute the heatwave truly hit. After the TV had been on for more than four hours, her ex-Steiner educated son turned to her and said “This is the best day ever!”.
Anyway, here’s a little diary I’ve kept of my own TV and air-conditioner usage over the last few days:
DAY ONE OF HEAT WAVE: Implement stimulating morning program of painting, drawing, waterplay, science experiments, the collective- making of frozen chocolate-covered bananas (etc). Air-conditioner turned on at 10:30AM, TV on at 12:50. Both stay on for longer than my conscience would normally allow.
DAY TWO: Air-conditioner on before 7:00AM. After shouting at the children for painting each other’s bodies before breakfast, TV resolutely switched on at 9:30am. TV switched on and off throughout the day, as required (turns out it is required a lot).
DAY THREE: Air-conditioner still on from the night before. TV on at 7am. Most likely will be on all day. Past. Caring.
At least I have air-conditioning. When friends of mine bought their house a year ago, they tossed up between fixing the garden or installing an A/C and the husband persuaded his wife that the garden was far more important. When I last spoke to his wife, she was muttering menacingly about making him do the gardening in the 42 degree heat when he got home from work that night 8pm. And yes, it really was still 42 degrees at 8pm that day.
My own husband came up with the brilliant idea of squirting the kids with the hose before I embarked on the short walk to KT’s house for dinner last night. He said it would “keep them cool” and I believed him. Being the responsible parent that I am, I of course informed the kids of my plans well in advance and actually got them all excited about it – after all, water restrictions make the hose even more off limits than the treats cupboard. But when I actually did the squirting, Mr Justice burst into tears because “he wasn’t ready yet”, The Pixie started wailing because I had “RUINED. HER. PARTY. DRESS.” and Tiddles McGee just screamed like I was torturing him. All I could do was laugh the long hysterical laugh of a woman who had been shut up far too long with her children during the school holidays and squirt myself with the hose. And then go to that Happy Place in My Mind during the longest and hottest five minute walk of my life, whilst everyone else managed maintained their rage.
So to all the other mothers in my fair city – and beyond – who have found themselves confined to small quarters with small people, I lift my TV remote in salute to you all and offer a silent prayer that the cool change comes in soon. I don’t know about anyone else but 35°C is looking pretty good right now from where I’m lying.
Wow NDM, that Foxtel loving friend of yours is truly a brilliant woman, knowing when to apply common sense instead of PC rules, in extreme conditions. I think the Federal Government should subside Foxtel for families with small children. It should be available to everyone.
i’ve got no air-con & a toddler with a projectile vomit bug….spew dries really quick in this heat …just to let you know….
“Cool”, baby.
I mean that in a satirical, sarcastic way, of course.
Bring on the 35 degree cool change!
-29 degrees Centigrade with the windchill here so you’ll excuse my immediate lack of sympathy. The grass is always greener on the other side of the planet.
I can relate to the feeling of being trapped, however. I’ve spent the last 5 years locked 24/7 into a convenience store. It may not be 40 degrees but is a fresh hell daily.
Thanks for the post NDM. Hope it cools off for you soon.
At the beginning of a year of homeschooling, I had promised myself that good habits would be instilled and the TV would remain largely off this year… Think we’ll start around Easter sometime
You sure are ONE HOT MAMA! Ha ha ha… I can giggle and make such pathetic puerile jokes from this side of the country because it’s really rather civilised at 30 degrees over here (for a change).. Don’t worry though, our turn will come to descend into the infernos of hell and you’ll be watching the national weather forecast and smiling gleefully as you pop on your cashmere cardy.
Seriously though, I am SO not a summer person (God knows why I live in this sunburnt land) so I really do feel deeply for you all. Would your local deli perhaps hire out its cool room?
p.s. Does it make you feel better when you see a very heavily pregnant woman trying to deal with the heat and thank the Lord you’re not her? That always makes me feel better.
…Ah, those glory days of my first pregnancy – driving in a clapped-out early 80s Mitsubishi Colt with no air conditioning with the windows down on 42 degree days (that lovely hair dryer on high air blowing in the window) and my mega gut pressed against the steering wheel… I generally overheated so much I would retch for most of the drive and kept an ice-cream container on the passenger seat for my sporadic vomits. Ah, embrace the Goddess within…
Can we come over and sleep on your kitchen floor please? No air-con in a non-insulated weatherboard makes summers hotter and winters colder. Stupid architects.
And to think that just a few days ago I was wearing thermals and crunching frosted grass underfoot. Mmm, frosted grass. I said to people in London’s fair city “staying away till the end of January might mean missing hot weather” HAH! Hottest heatwave in over 100 years.
Did you see that woman on the TV news who had an electric gate on her driveway, no power (hence no air con or TV), three kids and no way to get the car out of the driveway to take them anywhere, ANYWHERE!? Honestly, seeing that was the only thing that made me feel better about having to stay in a crappy motel last night because we had no electricity and The Bean was about to combust… not so much spontaneously as slowly and with a lot of very loud warning.
You tried your best, NDM. I grew up in that kind of heat, and my mother would stuff in the oven with wheels, I mean car to let us out at my grandparents who owned a pool. God bless them. If she wanted to punishes us, she took us to my grandfather’s house; he had a pool too, but he kept the cover on it, so it was actually COOLER outside than in that damn pool. Hope it gets cooler soon!
OK poor Carolyn obviously wins – not in a good way. If you have power and air-con you’re on a winner here.
I think it might the air con factor be kinda like when your baby is sleeping through the night – best not to mention it to a Mum is up with a screaming baby all night or in this case someone is sweltering in 43 degree heat for the fourth day in a row- these people are understandably living on the edge and you are in danger and getting your head ripped off.
I think there should be a billeting system for this and people should share their aircon with their stinky neighbours.