Recently, I completely lost my writing mojo. How I lost it, I’m not quite sure. I expect that it was through the same kind of carelessness that caused The Pixie to lose all her clothing and suddenly be standing nude in the kitchen – when I asked her what had happened, she said “Because I was wobbling so much.” Anyway, whatever the reason, I had lost that mojo and could not find it anywhere – not even down the back of the couch where almost everything else that I’ve ever lost seems to end up hiding (my virginity, patience and temper excepted).
So what does an NDM without her mojo do? Not much it turns out, except stare blankly at her screen and then publish a few “back-up” posts that had been languishing away in the Drafts folder instead of freshly-brewed material. But when the back-up material runs out and there are only a few odd posts left with titles like “Fez At Breakfast” and no body material, then what? THEN WHAT?
My good friend KT tried to snap me out of it. “What are we going to do about this?” she asked.
I replied that I didn’t know. But then I suddenly thought how, at our upcoming mothers’ night out, I might just get Very Drunk Indeed and run down the street naked singing show tunes and surely that would be blog-worthy and get my writerly juices flowing. And I felt this little frisson, like how an evil genius must feel when they’ve just come up with their Ultimate Plan for World Domination. Or even how the Mild-Mannered Lawyer must have felt when she laid the foundations for the Cake Off (see “We’ve got Ourselves a Cake-Off”)
Luckily for everyone, KT quickly diverted me from that particular course of action. “Why don’t you just prepare a game of ‘Truth or Dare’ for everyone to play. Maybe writing some questions will help get the mojo back.”
Okay. So I started writing some “Truth” questions. But after about ten minutes, all I had was:
Which Beverley Hills 90120 character do you think you are?
If you had to snog one of the Wiggles, which one would it be?
Did “Sesame Street” jump the shark when Mr Snuffleupagus became visible to everyone or when Elmo started to do the talk-show circuit?
Which Corey: Hart, Haim or Feldman?
So, you think you can dance?
Yep, it was definitely a Mojo No Show.
I moved onto the “Dares”:
Cook a meal that all three of my children will eat that doesn’t include chips.
Toot this recorder in my ear for as long as you can and as loudly as you can and Suffer. The. Consequences.
Try writing better questions for this game. Go on. You try do it and see how much you like it.
See? The mojo has gone the way of the missing socks of the house, ne’er to be found again.
But maybe, just maybe, this is my chance to reinvent myself Madonna-style, perhaps even start wearing a flat-cap and marry a Mockney Geezer, only to end it all in a very public and very bitter divorce and go out with someone 16 years my junior instead. Tasty! It’s so nice to know that, even I’m not able to write anything half-decent ever again, that I have Options.
In the meantime, if anyone finds my Mojo, could you please send it back to NDM Central as soon as you can? For one thing, its return will ensure I never mention my nudity and flowing juices in the same sentence again. And that’s got to be a good thing. Surely.
1. Andrea
2. Anthony
3. When Mr Snuffleupagus became visible
4. Hart
5. No
1. Brenda of course.
2. The Blue One.
3. Talk show. (I’ve seen Mr Snuffleupagus for years as he is one of my coworkers.)
4. Hart. How could there be any other answer???
5.Only after a sufficient intake of illegal substances, and then only with dim lighting.
1. Kelly, because I belong with DYLAN!
2. Sam, at least he’s around my age
3. When Mr Snuffleupagus became visible
4. Haim… ahhh ‘License to Drive’ is a classic
5. Yes, but I’m delusional
My favourite NDM moment in this post… the use of the word – Tasty!
1. Hated the show.
2. Anthony
3. When Snuffleupagus became visible. (Way to ruin the show)
4. Ha.
5. Yes.
Dare:
Do you have a criminal record? Or were the charges dropped?
Have you ever picked up on someone because you could?
Have you ever left your baby with someone when you knew the kid was to burst with poop, pee, vomit, or all three?
1) The James Dean guy and that weird Tori Spelling woman’s love child (no I never watched it, how could you tell?
2) Thankfully dont know any of their names or colours so an anonymous, collective and daytonic & platonic snog it will be
3) I LIKED Mr Snuffleupagus. Id get upset when Big Bird couldn’t prove he was real. The shark jump moment? Still waiting for it.
4) Haim because of the hair
5) One doesn’t think in dancing. One just feels the grooove baby and hopefully your partner.
my recent 25 random things has run me dry………but! i thought my mojo was gone forever but i found it in tasmania ( of all places) – maybe it’s there too?
I don’t want to be Andrea, I just know my limitations. If I had a choice I’d be Brenda.
I agree the best bit of the blog was “Tasty!”.
Tasty!
1. Brenda – you had to ask?
2. Murray – Sams’ too earnest, Jeff too short and questionable sexuality, Anthony too slimey. Probably would have gone for Greg in days of yore!
3. When Mr Snuffleupagus became visible – although I loved the character and in fact my eldest child’s nickname “The Wuffagus” is derived from it.
4. Hart – I, too, wear my sunglasses at night but usually as a hair accessory!
5. dependant on style. Do a decent viennese waltz, a fair gavotte, a reasionable mazurka & polka (thanks to my previous profession) but fail miserable at anything else.
Hmmmm! Tasty!
You think Jeff is of questionable sexuality?
ahhhh my dear NDM…i believe this is not mojo-loss, but is you approaching the ‘threshhold’ – if u keep writing, no matter what, (and no matter how good or not u think it is) then IT WILL COME – bigger better wilder and more creative than ever. i am so sure!
AND
if u r indeed who i think u r, then u r seeing me this weekend, i promise to be extra funny and provide MUCH material
1. Hated the show too I’m afraid, spoilt little shits.
2. Anthony for sure. Though, I’ve noticed that his teeth seem to glow-in-the dark these days which might just put me off.. or, give me a region to aim for.
3. I’m with Gerard – I LOVED Mr.Snuffleupagus and always felt frustrated that he couldn’t be enjoyed by everyone (never liked Big Bird much). I always felt kind of stressed-out that he’d be sprung and there would be some crazy repercussions. As far as I’m concerned, they jumped the shark when Elmo came on board – can’t stand him and his squeaky little voice. Give me old school Kermit, Grover Mr.Hooper and psychadelic letter songs any day.
4. Can’t choose out of those 3 Coreys I’m afraid, they’re all equal blah. But, I do have a favourite Corey. Does anyone remember that TV show ‘Julia’ starring Diahnn Carroll from the early 70’s? Julia’s son was called Corey and he was super cute. His little mate Earl J. Waggedorn rocked.
5. It’s all relative – compared to Beyoncé and JT I’m pretty shit but, compared to my Dad, I’m BOOTYLICIOUS.
As for your mojo, have you checked under the ‘dust baffle’ at the bottom of the fridge?? Wow, you taught me that term NDM but I never thought I’d get to use it!
1. The sensitive, moody one with the sideburns (it’s like looking in a mirror!)
2. You what? The dinosaur’s a girl right?
3. Mr who? I do know that as soon as Mulder and Scully got together it was curtains for that show. Big frilly ones with a pelmet, sash and side fold.
4. Low recognition factor here. Wasn’t one in The Lost Boys?
5. Like Billy Idol, only with myself.
NDM, your Mojo will return if it ever really went missing. And if you don’t keep writing then the terrorists have won. I think you know what I mean.
ps – this MML & DS naming thing based on character combined with profession; can I be GOB for Grumpy Old Bookseller?
What alternative names would the others have for themselves?
What disgusting questions.
1. Gabrielle. Is that her name? The “geeky” one who seemed about 40, although in retrospect she was very beautiful with glasses and about 25. Yep, like I wish I was.
2. Jeff. He wouldn’t struggle.
3. Elmo and the talkshows. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t involved when I was a child, in the good ole days of the count, grover, oscar, and all the other non-giggling fellas. I don’t hold with tickling strangers, even when they ask nice.
4. Come on- can I really be the first person to say Feldman? Can you go past the subverted sensitivity of Stand by Me, the fractured innocence of the Goonies, to the raw sensuality of Licence to Drive?
5. Oh yeah. I can shake it in my living room with the best of them.
To Mild-Mannered Lawyer! Yep!
Well, if that’s lost mojo, I don’t know why the rest of us are writing. You’re funny even off your game, lady. I laughed out loud several times in this post, and really, really, really want to read the Fez at Breakfast post. Please. You can’t leave me handing. I’ve heard the rabid monkeys blogging over at technorati have a post on fezes. (Is the plural fezzes? One fez, two fez? It’s like mongoose. Dear sirs, please send me a mongoose. While you’re at it, please send me another one.)
Since I’m not answering any of your damned truth questions, I’ll gladly take the dares. Because cereal for dinner night at our house RULES, and I would love to be knocked into a coma for tooting a recorder in your ear. Aaaaaah, coma. Fed, bathed, and sleeping. Sign. Me. Up.
Okay, fine. Twist my arm, and all. The square midwestern parents, Haim (Lucas!), and *creation* of Elmo, not just whoring of Elmo. But full-on Joanie marries Chachi with Snuffalupagus’s visibility. That’s all you’re getting from me.
MM (aka GOB) – am in delicious juxtaposition heaven after reading Heather’s post which immediately follows yours. Is she referring to NDM’s truth questions or (as I fancy it) your query about what names others would have for themselves? Whichever, it appears that Heather is clearly both the archmistress of the putdown and your new nemesis to boot. I grudgingly relinquish my crown (unless she fancies a tag-team format).
Still working on my alternative title. LD (Lascivious Daydreamer) doesn’t quite send out the right signals. I would stick with the Lion Tamer but the credit crunch means that the circus work isn’t bringing in enough to pay the bills. Still thinking….
Fondest & cupcakes
Oh, and I rudely failed to answer any of your questions, NDM (disgusting though they may be : ) )
Put simply, the answer to 5 is absolutely, indubitably and momentously to the extent that others weep in awe and gratitude when I deign to grace the dancefloor. With such physical poise, grace and Martha Graham-inspired artistic presentation, all else (including questions 1-4) ceases to matter. I thank you.
1. Kelly – because she’s blonde like me
2. Wags the Dog – because I don’t trust a man in a skivvy
3. When wasn’t Mr Snuffleupagus visible???
4. Hart – isn’t he the one who wore his sunglasses at night???
5. No – but I can do a good monkey dance when the mood suits me
ps I apologise for all those years I used to torment you by tooting on the recorder. I never would have done it if I had known a) that it would scar you like it has and b) that it would end up on your blog…