Many years ago, when I was a “gainfully employed” person (as opposed to an “unpaid domestic house slave”), I strode purposefully from decision-making process to decision-making process, the Chicken of Persuasion firmly in my hand.
But these-a-days, my vision is constantly clouded by soul-wracking indecision.
“Oh, but you’re just a housewife, NDM,” some people say to me. “How hard can that job be? I mean, it’s not even a job!”
And then those people run away really quickly before I can do too much damage to them.
Well, I thought I should share a few examples of the kinds of decisions I am faced with on a daily basis with those naysayers (and any other interested parties):
Tiddles “Grumpy Pants” McGee has fallen asleep in front of Power Rangers Ninja Storm. Should I wake him up immediately and endure the rest of the afternoon with him in a foul mood OR should I let His Majesty sleep as long as he likes, knowing he’ll not go to bed that night without a shit-fight, thus cutting into valuable “adult time” (also known as “piss-farting about on the computer time”)?
Should I try cooking something “exciting and new” for dinner and risk everyone going hungry when they dismiss it out of hand OR should I just stick to the usual menu, safe in the knowledge that they’ll eat it but also that they’ll grow up with a palate narrower than the 1950s White Australia Policy?
When a child shits their underpants, which is better for the planet? A) scrubbing, soaking and washing them using all manners of evil detergents – not to mention all that precious precious water (see “Water Saving“); or B) throwing them in the bin and waste dwindling fossil fuel supplies by driving to the local Kmart to buy a new pair shrink-wrapped in non-biodegradable packaging?
A small child under my jurisdiction makes an unreasonable demand at the shops. Do I A) give in immediately before anyone really notices OR B) risk riding out a very public 45 minute-long A-grade tantrum before finally being forced to capitulate entirely to the small person’s will in front of a large crowd of onlookers who will all judge me harshly and perhaps even hiss and throw rotten fruit at me for being such a Failure as a Mother and as a Human Being?
Should I leave the house with all three children in tow and set a very dangerous precedent indeed? Or should I just stay at home until they’re 18 and develop a severe case of cabin fever wherein I start hallucinating about frozen margaritas and calling everyone “sport”?
Basically, when it comes down to it, the Secretary-General of the United Nations should try doing my job for a while.
Decision making is tough. That’s why I flip a coin.
Yup. No job like it in the world, NDM.
If you ain’t been a parent you absolutely CAN’T fully explain to a non-parent person what it’s REALLY like.
I assure you, even though you think you’re going mad [or are mad already], you really do come out a better grounded and better rounded person.
I know for an absolute fact you are doing an excellent job as Mummy to Mr. Justice, The Pixie and Tiddles [Grumpy Pants] McGee.
Don’t you dare think any differently.
Yup, that’s what drove me nuts about the “President Obama kills a fly with one hand!!!” media coverage. I mean, it’s not like he managed to do that at the same time as a preschooler climbed up his legs while licking his pants giving “dinosaur kisses” and the baby poured the bubble bath all over the bathroom floor (who the hell didn’t put the lid back on!!!?) while he was trying to pee AND find the new roll of toilet paper.
Multi-tasking (poorly) and guilt. Such is my journey through motherhood….
I just love the fact that more NDM I read the more I realise “yay, it’s NOT JUST ME!!!”.
1. A
2. B
3. B
4. A
5. Get real frozen margaritas and stay in. Any kidlets may not want to hang around after the 5th margarita….