Recently I watched my friend L with open admiration as she breastfed her 3 month old baby while simultaneously coaching the 3 year old at her feet to do a poo in the potty. And I realised how far I’d come from the days of multi-tasking with my tits out.
We found ourselves discussing whether parenting really was “easier” the second time around. Most certainly, we both agreed we felt much more relaxed with #2 (why, with #3 I’m feeling positively catatonic!) but, as L wisely pointed out, no-one – no matter how many children they’ve had – knows what they’re doing during those first six weeks. Babies are newborns for such a short time, you never get a chance to become an expert.
My guess was that the difference with subsequent children was that you know that first six weeks is, well, the first six weeks. But with your first born?
Well, there you are, at the beck and call of this strangely furious creature who has no respect whatsoever for your need to rest while you recover from major stomach surgery or vaginal augmentation. And you trudge from the feeding chair to the cot to the change table and back to the feeding chair, all the while spraying breastmilk on everyone and everything in your wake and wondering if you’ll ever get out of your pyjamas again.
Yep, those first six weeks are all give give give, with very little return. The only thing you do seem to get are those cheerful pastel-coloured “Congratulations on your new arrival!” cards that arrive in the mail and just make you cry because everyone appears so happy for you and confident you can do this mothering gig and right now you’re not sure you’re going to make it through the week and you’d trade a vital organ for an hour of your Old Life.
And just when you resign yourself to the fact that the relentless grind and broken sleep and never-time-to-wash-you-hair for this Angry Little Dictator is what parenting is all about and this is how it is going to be FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER, the game changes.
At about six weeks, the smiles start, then the smiles turn into laughs, and then into the word “Mama!”. And then one day that once-was-baby winds their arms around your neck, hugs you tight and an “I love you!” tumbles from their lips, unprompted.
Rubbing chamomile ointment into razor-blade-slashed nipples turns into watching lovingly-prepared vegetable purees being unceremoniously spat out and then becomes a licked-clean plate punctuated by a “That was the Bestest Meal Ever, Mum!”.
Having a child burst into inconsolable tears when you leave the room and cling fearfully to your legs in Strange Places eventually gives way to them informing you that they don’t need you to walk into the school with them, followed by a discrete half-salute and the briefest but most knowing of smiles before they rush off into a wider world by themselves.
If I’m sounding uncharacteristically sentimental, it’s because my Mr Justice, my first born, turns seven today and I wanted to share a little of our journey so far as Mother and Son.
Only yesterday, Mr Justice announced with great certainty “I know exactly how many flies I’ve killed in my life: Two, Mum! I’ve killed two!”
And I remembered at the same age starting a list of all the films I’d ever seen and how I’ve forever wished I’d kept up with that list and often wondered how long it would be now.
Perhaps I should keep count of the flies for him and one day he’ll thank me for it. I hope there are other things he’ll thank me for, too because I certainly know I’ve got plenty to thank him for.
Happy Birthday, darling boy.
That was beautiful. One of your best!
Remember how each phase with that first child took FOREVER and it would NEVER EVER END. Thank God most of them did.
Awww
Lord F wipes my kisses off… At school…. (at home he says ‘it’s ok now, Mum, you can kiss me at home!’)
Happy Birthday Mr Justice! May your year ahead be filled with all the games, learning, fun and frolics you can handle….minus the vomit….
Ah that made me tear up. Beautiful post and happy birthday to your son.
Haaaa look at the ‘related post’ list…’still no sex six weeks after baby?’ !!!
Happy birthday Mr Justice & congratulations to your wonderful mother who (to her relief & surprise) has managed to keep you from harm, get good grub down your neck, provide you with the two best pals a boy could have (if only they’d stop wrecking your gear) and help you on your way to becoming the amazing & fascinating person that you are
Very sweet. Beautiful writing.
Happy Birthday, fly-killer.
Balling my eyes out here… Beautiful NDM, just beautiful.
Hippy bathday Mr Justice. I hope you get the fly swatter of your dreams. x
Just beautiful, NDM
Happy Birthday to your big boy
X
Absolutely beautiful post. Here I am at the 5 1/2 week mark, my razor-blade slashed nipples recently healed and those first big smiles being coaxed from my newborn son. Yes, it’s a path well-worn from bassinet to change table to feeding chair and back again, and I will miss it when time marches me onto the next adventure. The one thing I can confidently say now is that there will be other adventures as memorable as those of these past few short weeks, that make the passing of them more bearable than they were when I trod the path with my first-born.
A big happy birthday, Mr Justice.
Lovely story. I’ve come over all teary…
Maybe when he’s just turned 18 and is in hospital (for something minor, but scary nonetheless) he will reach out, unbidded, and hold your hand. Fathering is different, but the same.
Thanks for the story. Many happy returns to you both!
How true. Thanks for the great post.
Happy Birthday Mr Justice!
And congratulations to your lovely mum, for forging ahead the path I am only just beginning with my own little fly-killer (count: 1 – by accident, swallowed on a walk), and writing about it all so beautifully.
A fabulous post NDM
I remember Mr Justice as a young boy of 2 at the time when the Pixie was born. I became “Substitute Mom” for a few days and got to experience the true life of a mother – which was scary, frustrating but incredibly rewarding. One night we both sat crying on the couch (he: because he was missing NDM and me: because I thought I was a failure!) when he finally fell asleep in my arms and pinned me to the couch for a good hour! Now this 7 year old boy will only give me the briefest of hugs but I will always remember him as that cuddly little monkey sitting on my lap! Happy birthday! x
So sweet, my beloved NDM.
As though I didn’t love you enough, you syphoned even more out of my emotional/maternal well with your words of pure and profound love for Mr. Justice who is as grand and wondrous a human being as I will EVER find in my entire life.
Thank you for sharing the joy that is Mr. justice.
When I was seven, I prided myself on being able to remember every birthday and Christmas gift I’d ever been given (the major ones, anyway). Remembering my personal fly death toll would have been a much nobler pursuit, however.
Happy birthday, Mr Justice!
You’ve done a great job of capturing the wonderful contradictory way that the first-born’s life stages seem stuck forever the same, and then are suddenly on to the next. It’s interesting looking back with hindsight.
My darling boy was an extremely cheerful baby, then a very persistent toddler, a robust boy, a constantly rhythm-pounding teenager, and amazingly next month he will be 21 and the years have whooshed by!
Keep on enjoying the moments – that first child especially keeps surprising you!
Ah geeze now you have me crying. First I was laughing because I truly did squirt quite a few people…..then you got all sweet and loving and….Oh shite. Max and Chloe start school Friday for the first time. They are 3 in 3 weeks. Full time pre-school mon – thurs. Like I said. Ah geeze.
lovely words luv.
Wow!!, that was a great post!!, I am becoming a first time parent next week, and I am very excited and afraid about it!!, reading your post just made me realize how things will be at the beginning but also tells me all the joy you receive afterwards.
Great job and congratulations to your son,
Regards,
Atrusni
You rock my world NDM!
Ooooh I just stumbled across your blog for the first time! LOVED reading that! Brought a tear out!:)
Oh gorgeous! A friend just put me onto this blog and this is the first post I read – loved it!!
My own son Baby J is 3 months old this weekend so those early weeks are very fresh in my memory. Glad to know those terrible feelings of exhaustion and dread are shared by others, not just my hubby and I!