You can imagine my initial panic when Mr Justice lost his first tooth and promptly swallowed it along with a mouthful of dinner. I had this sudden vision of the kind of retrieval process I’d have to undertake to get the tooth back and thus was extremely quick to persuade him that the gap in his mouth was all the supporting evidence the Tooth Fairy needed for his compensation claim.
That night, my three children banded together to submit that claim to the Tooth Fairy – in the form of a elaborate offering including food, drink and a hand-woven blanket made of grass. Mr Justice even carefully wrote a letter using the Official Fairy Alphabet, as laid out in “The Big Book About Fairies”, which made me secretly smile because it made the word “this” looked like “pis”. Gotta love the Official Fairy Alphabet.
Anyway, this was a Big Moment in my seven year-old’s life – especially since it had already been many months since he had been proclaimed the only kid in his class yet to lose a tooth.
“I am so very proud of myself,” Mr Justice said to me, all happy-gappy grins, as I tucked him in that night. He then added: ”This is better than wonderful!” And then: “I can’t wait to get that twenty bucks.”
Twenty bucks? It was my second flash of panic that evening. Was that really the going rate for babyteeth these days? Why, that’s 20 teeth x $20 x 3 kids… a whopping $1200 in Tooth Fairy fees and, indeed, the kind of pricing structure that my oral surgeon would be proud to call his own. Zoinks!
I quickly jumped onto twitter, where I was relieved to find out that most people were paying out a more modest $2 per tooth. But how to get Mr Justice to readjust his rather unrealistic expectations?
It turns out that his expectations weren’t exactly that unrealistic: one of his best friends had recently received $20 for a single tooth. Which happened to be the same friend who got a Nintendo Wii from Santa the Christmas Mr Justice got a Matchbox car and an orange. Which also happens to be the very reason why I think there should be some kind of Parenting Charter that sets things like maximum spending amounts for Gifts From Santa and caps tooth fairy rates so that you’re never put in a position where you have to explain to your son why it seems The Tooth Fairy likes Johnny Down The Road more than him.
Anyway, the fact of the matter was that Mr Justice was quietly confident the morning would see him $20 richer. Luckily for me and my bank account, however, I remembered that he was still of an age where a handful of coins looks like much more money than a single plastic note. And so, when he woke the next day to find all the Fairy food and drink all gone and his once-empty glass overflowing with five cent pieces, he was satisfied.
“I hid under my sheet and stayed awake until 2 o’clock in the morning!” he told me, his eyes shining brightly, not knowing I’d found him propped up with three pillows and snoring at 10pm. “I even heard the Tooth Fairy drinking the water! She made a lot of noise and drank for a very very long time.” Which was probably just his father “making space” in the fridge.
And that morning, a wave of fairy-fever washed over all three of my children, who busied themselves making a little house for the fairies who lived in the garden and searched the house for further evidence of fairy visitations in the night. When an empty Milo tin moved across the (wet) kitchen table, pushed by forces unseen, Mr Justice was beside himself with excitement.
“I can’t wait to tell the lads at school!” he exclaimed. And I thought to myself how I hoped the light in his eyes never went out.
And then I thought: how precious and fleeting these Tooth Fairy and Santa years are.
And then I thought: I should definitely draw up that Parenting Charter before a) the next tooth falls and b) Mr Justice begins to comprehend the buying power of the Australian dollar compared to that of the Australian five cent coin. Yes, definitely.
I am totally with you on the Charter!
I think I over-prepared my oldest child (then 4) on what to expect from Santa, that the first time he told Santa what he wanted for Christmas, he asked for a pencil.
Even Santa was saying, “there must be something else you want!”
That is very cute. And for the record I think $1 is ample. I too have had the experiece of $50 per tooth going to a little friend up the street. Outrageous!!!
he he he..!! very clever! Love the handful of coins! Would love to see this parenting charter too…
I second the Parent Charter. I remember as a kid asking why Saint Nick only filled my shoes with candy instead of toys, candy, and money. Mom’s reply: Do you want the candy or should I take it? On second thought, I’m happy to have the candy supply as the Halloween supply had been depleted by that time.
Your children are adorable. A parent I know actually kept it going with fairy notes and little treats left on nights the full moon. The children would leave notes back. But that’s just overachievement if you ask me.
DJ APax was the last kid in his class to lose a tooth too…. it was such a big deal for him that he actually kept the tooth for about a week until he felt ready to reliquish it to the tooth fairy (for $2). Subsequently there was a several-nights-long correspondence between both kids, and the tooth fairy…..very sweet indeed.
I believe the tooth fairy only leaves a twenty if you switch out the water for vermouth
Get cracking on that Charter! My boy is only 1 and I shudder to think what the going rates will be by the time he loses a tooth – we are already way behind the eight ball seeing as though he hasn’t grown any yet…
toooo cute!
hmmm, we’ve had 3 teeth gone. first 2 got $5 each from mummy tooth fairy. 3rd was lost at daddys’ who declared it to be worth $50, took lord f to the toy shop to spend and came back with a terminator toy (or something). so wrong on so many counts. but them’s your dealings when your offspring is not just spread between 2 houses but 2 COMPLETELY different people.
and now number 4 (a front, top tooth) came half way out, then remained stuck. new tooth behind it doesn’t seem to be pushing it out. and it’s going yellow cos it’s actually dead. nice. we are now waiting for the 1 year private health wait on ‘pre-existing conditions’ to end so we can get it sorted at the dentist. cos dad won’t foot half the bill (which is a lot more than $50, granted) as is.
it’s just yellow gappy laughter all round for us on the subject of teeth!!!
I need to make offerings to the tooth fairy?
I thought the tooth was her offering?
What does she do with them anyway?
So much to learn.
You should be proud of yourself Mr Justice!
I’m still waiting for my Mr6 to lose his first tooth for which he will be receiving a nice shiny $2 coin.
my 6.5 yo recently lost his first tooth – also the last in the class (was getting very depressed about this fact). He actually didn’t want to leave it to the tooth fairy – instead he chose to keep it so he could look at it whenever he wants. was kinda looking forward to doing the fairy thing.
That is one of the most hilarious posts yet. Do you think that Mr Justice may go into the legal profession or the financial services sector?
Love the shrine to the tooth fairy. Baby teeth here get popped into an envelope carefully marked to the attention of ‘The Tooth Fairy’ and propped on the book shelf. One stormy night I forgot (I know, gasp right) to attend to the envelope & awoke in a cold sweat before whacking The Coach and telling him to creep in and do the exchange. We were sprung but funnily enough, without consultation, both told him the same story that the Tooth Fairy had problems flying with the storm and had sent a message asking us to step in. Phew, so close.
Wonderful post! I quite enjoyed reading it. I am totally with you on the parenting charter. What’s with some people anyway?
Oh my gosh, that note–written in Fairy-Speak–is a keeper! I love it!
I swallowed one of the first teeth I lost. My mom called her mother-in-law, my grandma, who was also the R.N. at our doctor’s office. She asked if it was a problem that I swallowed the tooth. “That depends on how sentimental you are,” my witty grandma repied.
To our kids, we gave maybe $5 for the first lost tooth and $1, usually the coin (novelty factor). One time the tooth fairy left a bunch of coins from Canada and the Bahamas which, coincidentally, were countries that I myself had recently visited. TF left a note explaining that there were a lot of kids who’d lost teeth that night all over the world and she got mixed up as to which kid should get which currency.
I’m with you on the charter. Damn parents who set the bar too high for the rest of us! Dealing with that right now concerning oldest son’s allowance, which is less than 1/4 of what his best friend gets. GAH!
PLEASE create this very wonderful an much desired item. It should also include such things as “amount to spend on other childrens birthday presents” and Santa should always always only give small gifts.
Oh and some kind of pick up/car parking ettiquite – parents with youngest children, or most children get to go into the school first to get children, while the rest of us circle the block to take their place in orderly fashion.
(beautiful story, beautiful fairy house)