Emails sent in the act of organising Book Group breed like rabbits. The “REPLY ALL” button sees to that. Before I know it, the one email I’ve sent out has spawned dozens of other emails, all flying about confusing everyone, as books, dates, locations and availabilities keep changing. In the end, nobody has any time to read the actual book for Book Group and I start to wonder if we should adjust our expectations and just start calling ourselves an Email Group instead.
Of course, sending out a July date for a May meeting never helps. I’ll own that.
Still, as the convenor of this month’s meeting, I’d just managed to send out one last email with FINALISED DATE in capital letters in the subject title when I received some news that changed everything…
Luckily, I kept a log of the subsequent chain of events, which I will share with you now.
Tuesday 27th April, 2010
18:00 Husband announces he has to work late next Tuesday (4th May), the night of my FINALISED Book Group (note capitalisation). I spend the next 36 hours IN DENIAL.
Thursday 29th April, 2010
06:14 Before I send an email out to my Book Group, I check the dates for the UK election, which I have assumed is the reason my husband is working late. However, I discover the election is on Thursday and not Tuesday. I email him, admitting I’m a bit confused.
06:25 My husband sends me an email saying “You think you’re confused? I just sent [work colleague] a photo of a pony dressed up as Princess Leia”. He attaches a photo of a My Little Pony dressed up as Princess Leia.
06:26 My husband then sends a subsequent email stating he has to work because the Federal budget is being passed down.
06:48 I send an email out to my Book Group admitting I can no longer make the FINALISED date that I, myself, FINALISED.
14:33 Fifteen emails later, Book Group is fixed for Wednesday 19th May.
Friday 30th April, 2010
16:59 I ask my husband what he plans to do for dinner on Tuesday night. Husband asks what’s happening on Tuesday night and I gently remind him (by way of shouting) that it’s the Federal Budget and that he is working late.
17:00 Husband casually responds that he got the date wrong and the Federal Budget is actually the following Tuesday (11th May).
17:01 I realise (by way of releasing a long, loud, strangulated scream) I’ve rearranged Book Group for no good reason.
17:02 Husband says it’s not his fault he thought it was next Tuesday because everyone was talking like it was next Tuesday and what was he supposed to do.
17:03 I politely suggest (by way of sneering menacingly) my husband might like to check dates before getting me to change Book Group night in future.
17:04 Husband asks what my problem is - I’ve got a new date so why am I complaining.
17.05 I leave the room before I kill someone. No prizes for guessing who.
17:06 I begin to secretly plan on printing out the sixty-four emails it took to arrange this month’s Book Group and make him eat them for dinner on Federal Budget night.
Wednesday 5th May, 2010
11:05 Husband rings up from work asking me to look on the calender at the week of the 10th May because he wants to book in a beer night with a friend visiting from interstate.
11:06 I tell my husband the Tuesday night is out. My husband asks if that’s my Book Group night.
11:07 My shouts are heard three suburbs over, something along the lines of “NO IT’S THE FEDDDDDDDDERALLLLLL FUCKKIKKKKKINGGGGGGGGGG BUDGGGEETTTTTTT!”.
Tuesday 11th May
19:30 Details of the Federal Budget are released to the public and everyone concludes it is one big long wet fart, hardly worthy of working late or changing Book Group dates (for example).
20:34 Husband rings from work saying he got the week of his friend’s visit wrong and can he go out for drinks with him next Wednesday (19th May). He may, of course, have been joking but it’s actually hard to tell over the sound of the phone being slammed down repeatedly.
Sorta makes chucking it all and buying yourself an island in the middle of nowhere look appealing, doesn’t it? Then again, a lot of your posts make an island in the middle of nowhere sound appealing.
I’m wondering if I should take that as a compliment… Yes. Yes, I’ve decided I will. However, I suspect that even the most remote deserted island has Budget Nights. Those things are more rampant than Tupperware parties.
You write such great posts. I totally felt your pain. It is so hard trying to organise your family (husband) let alone other people for book club. Unfortunately it seems to be the story of our lives, arranging, rearranging and arranging again! Thanks for making me smile – as always. x
You’re very welcome.
Apparently you can hire personal assistants who live in call centres and cheerfully arrange, cancel and then rearrange your dental appointments and whatnot on your behalf. Why, here’s a service here: http://www.paeveryday.com.au/. I suspect the pretty lady is in her tracky-dacks, smoking a fag, when she works though.
Do you always keep such a detailed log of your dealings with your husband? It’s a good idea; I might try it.
So what did he do for dinner last night?
My legal counsel advised me to keep the log – “just in case”.
As for dinner, he wasn’t tempted by my email schnitzels – I mean, veal schnitzels – and ate dumplings at the office. Apparently there was wine and beer, too. Working late, my arse.
I think you f#cked up your dates in this post! Tues 29th April and Thurs 29th April? Me no capisce? Bloody hilarious. I feel the same way about Monday night football. May that NEVER ever be repeated or I may have to stick a fork in someone’s eye. Not mine.
I am very jealous about book club though. I remember books that didn’t have pictures.
(*edits text and presses UPDATE quickly*) What problem with my dates? I can’t see any problems with my dates.
(Between you and me, most of the scheduling problems in this household are caused by the fog I live my life in – see The Fog – but my husband doesn’t need to know that. Not until he’s fixed the handset on the phone, that is.)
I feel your pain. We had the opposite situation, with me working on federal budget night. The amount of times I had to remind hubby of the date, to be home early etc and why I was working drove me bonkers. That and the resultant sleep deprivation was not worth the tale told by the govt
They claim to be looking out for Australia’s Working Families and look at the pain they caused us. Shuh!
Sorry, once again beyond comment as laughing too much. If you were less funny, I would be more verbose. But maybe that would be a bad thing…
As an aside, I gave up on book clubs a long time ago. They never seemed to be about the book and I wasn’t that interested in what they turned out to be about. And the email trail drove me nuts.
Now I just read the books. And talk to myself about them. It’s working well.
I need book group to force me read. Even if we don’t end up talking about the book that much, at least I’ve read something. It’s as simple as that. When left to my own devices, I rarely stray from the six month old issues of ‘Who Weekly’ in the toilet and (if my kids are lucky) the weekly school newsletter.
Now that’s a book group I would sign up for!
by which I mean the not-book-group that lifeinapinkfibro goes to – rather than a ‘reading Who Weekly in the toilet’ book group.
I had a similar, if less drawn out, dates-confusion-with-husband experience this week. Tuesday morning I am woken from my slumber in a hotel room in Jakarta by a call on my mobile from my husband at 5am. “where are you?” he asks. “In bed”, I somewhat confusedly reply. “Where?” is the next perplexing question.
To cut a long (and not very interesting story) short he had thought I was arriving home a day earlier than my itinerary actually indicated, so was sitting with a coffee ready made for me, and two over-excited kids sitting on the front step looking out for my taxi.
Needless to say my actual arrive a day later (as scheduled) received a rather more subdued welcome.
How infuriating! Your husband and kids should have dug deep for a repeat performance of their non-arrival date anticipation. Sheesh.
Very funny! I feel your frustration but it’s hilarious!
Yes, living with my husband certainly is a laugh a minute – once I swallow my rage, that is.
Stupid budget.
I love your sitcom. I’m looking forward to the episode where you have to cook an impromptu dinner for Mr NDM’s boss who’s coming to visit to discuss an upcoming promotion. All the misunderstandings and embarrassments that will follow…hilarious.
Stupid budget, indeed.
If there is a sitcom made of my life, can I get someone else to play me? I don’t know if I could live through all that again, even if it was for Camera Three.
And you regularly say your husband isn’t that funny in real life!
Okay, I’ll admit he’s funny – but only in a funny-strange way and not funny-ha-ha one.
Hey, can I get a copy of that pony?
Teeeheee, great post, very funny. I’ve come to the conclusion my husband is immune to my voice. That’s why he doesn’t remember that we were having family over a couple of Sundays ago until they turned up. Yeah, I was cleaning the house like a fucking maniac for my health buddy.
Just emailed that pony to you, Bern. Please note it is wearing a custom-fit gold lamé bikini and showing us its arse. It’s Not Right.
Oh, is book group on Wed 19th? I got confused, can’t make it after all, do you mind sending an email out to reschedule?
(Long silence.)
Hello? You still there?
(Thudding sound as someone falls to the floor.)
Ahem. I was just kidding…
Ah, you’re such a joker, muliercula. Perhaps you and my husband should form a comedy duo and take your show on the road… far away from me….
Don’t you hate it when you go to such great lengths to iron out problems caused by their stupidity/disinterest/forgetfulness and all they can say is “Well, it’s sorted now so what’s the problem?’ Grrr.
Grrrrrr, indeed.
Oh my god, this was great, a rollicking read (worthy of book club?) My heart was in my mouth when I thought that budget night was going to be changed to the SAME night as rescheduled book night. Phew.
(finding such a thing so exciting means I either need to get out more, or your are a fabulous writer…)
I think we probably both need to get out more…
I just want to know if husbands are born that way or are they taught in some class to be that way. Really, I feel your pain. I’ve been there Way Too Many Times to Count.
There must be a secret memo passed around. They couldn’t possibly be taking a course because they’d either forget or it would clash with the birth of one of our children or something.
Yahoo calendar on a family email account.
It changed our lives, and my dental enamel levels
shared this post with my book club people