Look, I’ve been trying to write a blog post called ‘It’s A Hot-Off!’ for the past hour but I just can’t get it to work. It was all about how I told my friend MM that the Prep Mums at the school this year are apparently really hot but that I refuse to go to the Prep area because I don’t want to have to enter a ‘Hot-Off’ situation with these (allegedly) Hot Mums.
(“‘Hot-Off’ sounds kinda wrong, doesn’t it?” I said to MM.
“Yes,” MM replied. “And yet so right…”)
Anyway, ‘It’s A Hot-Off’ has now been banished to my Drafts folder along with some other never-to-be-published ‘gems’ that I can’t quite bring myself to delete because maybe, just maybe, the world will one day be ready for them.
For example:
How God Almost Got Us A Late Pass
A true story. It involved Tiddles McGee claiming he saw God in the mirror, but whether or not he was actually seeing his own reflection and thinking that he, himself, was God remains unclear to this day.
I Never Said You Could Play The Egg
A post about my total lack of rhythm when it comes to playing the egg. Or rather, the egg-shaped shaker. Yes, it’s as exciting as it sounds.
In A Post-Apocalyptic World, The Man With Cable Ties Is King
This post is actually just a title. But what a title.
John Cusack Says “John Cusack Wants Table Five And A Food Tent!”
The title pretty much sums the post up. It attempted to start the rumour that John Cusack always talks about himself in the third person and insists on having his own personal food tent to protect his meals in restaurants. No, I don’t understand why either, but while I was trying to write this post, I actually also tried googling John Cusack’s legal counsel so I knew who I’d be dealing with.
2012: The Year Of Marrying David Bowie
The story of how, in 1985, a Ouija board predicted I would one day marry David Bowie and how I, myself, have predicted that this will happen next year. Like, for real.
The Iron Latte
A post about how my husband always travels with an electric iron which he uses as a make-shift stove for his espresso pot. Again: true story. Why would I make up this shit?
Don’t Trust Anything With Eyes On The Side Of Its Head
This started off about my aversion to birds and fish but then ended up being about being about the fear of potatoes and how there is a word for the fear of potato PRODUCTS (potnonomicaphobia) but not for fear of potatoes themselves and how the lack of a formal label for this phobia probably makes people who are genuinely afraid of potatoes feel unrecognised by the medical profession and how there are probably people out there with a genuine fear of developing a phobia that doesn’t have a label and that, ironically, that fear probably doesn’t have a label either. Yes, this post was a winner.
So there you go. If you ever feel that my blog is strange or mundane, there’s the proof – THE PROOF – that it could be whole lot stranger and/or mundaner. Oh, it could also include more made-up words like mundaner. Whatevs. Just thank your lucky stars that I don’t publish everything…
I don’t know quite what to say. I’m still in awe that you are going to marry David Bowie next year. The Ouija board told me that I would live on Peachtree Street. I’m still looking for it.
I feel your pain.
Also, I hate it when a post sounds really awesome in your head and in writing they just sound shit.
And you friends go “oh, no its not, you’re just being hard on yourself” and you believe them and post it and its shit …
*sigh*
Oh, that’s not this post I was referring to, this is a very good one I can completely relate to.
I go now …
I badly badly want to read the hot off post now. Bad.
Lovely! I certainly feel the poorer for not hearing about John Cusack’s food tent. You’re still not over Lloyd Dobler are you?
I’ll give you this one for nix: “Every time commercial radio calls them the Awesome 80′s, they get a little less awesome.”
And what ABOUT those fish that both eyes on the same side oif their head like some kind of cubist piss-take of all that’s holy and wholesome? *shudder*
Keep being excellent @TheNDM.
Oh to be a little person in your brain. xx
No! I want to full stories please…
There’s some gold in them there drafts folder, I tell you.
I want to know why the cable-tie guy is king. You’ve got me curious now.
We need the potatoe post…
OMG the electric iron is genius! Brilliant!
I’m loving the Hot-Off concept, bring on the blog post…!
And isn’t it amazing how many of us have these drafts gathering e-dust…
That iron bit… it’s so genius that it distracted me from the rest of the genius contained (possibly buried) in this post. x
NDM, I remain in awe of your ability to write totally sane posts , every week. That is all……….
So with an Iron Latte, does everyone get burned or just the coal miners?
I need to know more about the Latte Iron. I am having palpitations just THINKING about how I am going to get my fix at the conference.
Because instant is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
{and chickie, I have almost TWO HUNDRED drafts and none of them are half as awesome as yours. I think I need you as my blogtitler. It is so a word}
Given my current interest in irons, more on the Iron Latte please.
I’m intrigued. Anything written by NDM is pay dirt.
Think of all of the creative writing students you could inspire just with these titles! Perhaps you should run a contest of some sort. Make others do the writing for you?
I don’t trust things with eyes on the sides of their heads either, but I exclude vegetables from my list.
Awesome, I never know what to do with my unfinished blog ideas. Good idea.
In the wise words of Le Artiste, you are totally random NDM, and that is what I love about you
x
[...] 2. Not drowning, mothering written by The Not-Drowning Mother (NDM) was one of the first Aussie mummy blogs Mum got into, initially because I related to the name (although I felt I was drowning a little!). I find the blog content and style very funny. One of the latest posts talks about content and post titles that the NDM has yet to use, it is entertaining reading: It’s a Hot-Off! And other unrelated posts. [...]