For the longest time, I meant to make Anzac biscuits as part of a care package for my brother-in-law serving overseas in the armed forces.
I meant to make them but first the oven was broken. Then the kitchen was being renovated. Then I couldn’t find the recipe book with the recipe I liked in it. And then, when I found a good recipe on-line, there wasn’t any toner in the printer to print it out.
And in the meantime, my life got filled with school excursion permission slips and doctor’s appointments and over-due library notices and unfolded laundry.
And so the biscuits went unmade and the care package went unsent.
And then last week, we received the incomprehensible news that my brother-in-law had been killed on a dusty road far from home. And I finally found myself making those Anzac biscuits for a completely different reason. I was making them with my children to take to the Shrine of Remembrance, to pay our respect to a long chain of fallen soldiers, of which my brother-in-law was the latest.
And I realised my mistake.
I realised I had left it too late. I had let my days get cluttered with excuses that I tripped over like so much lego scattered over the loungeroom rug. I had failed to stop and honour someone I loved while he was still here.
And now he’s not.
_______________________________
My brother-in-law was a good man, a fine soldier and was beloved and respected by all who met him. Lest we forget.
I am so so sorry. This grief is so hard to bear. I wish you some peace for your hearts. xx
Thank you for reminding us. I am so sorry for your loss. Have been thinking of you and your family. Much love.
Oh my god. So sorry to hear this. My deepest condolences.
I am just crying. Wishing you and your family all the strength you need to get you through this grief and all the love you have to honour your brother-in-law and the brave life he led.
I’ve been thinking of you all week. My condolances to your entire family, and his.
Condolences to your family, please don’t feel bad about not doing what you intended, I am sure he was sustained the whole time he was away by the thought of a family at home who would be there when he got back. Sad that it did not happen that way.
Please don’t berate yourself in anyway I. I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Please take care of yourself during this time. You know how much I am thinking of you. Much love Bern x
I’m so, so sorry.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences to you and your family at this sad time.
Honouring someone you love means living your life to the best of your ability with care and love for those around you. This you do everyday.
Well put KC.
So very sorry, sweetheart, for the pain you and your family are feeling. Thank you for reminding us, through the lessons of your loss, to treasure the moments. Hugs. x
I am so sorry. Anzac biscuits or not, he will know how much love there was for him in his family and community. Go gently. Xx
I am so sorry to hear of you family’s loss.
From this I think we can all take away that we all need to stop with the busy-ness of our lives and just do the little things, like make biscuits.
Thinking of you and your family.
xx
I am so sorry to hear of what you & your family are going through. I am sure your brother-in-law knew you loved him and thought of him often. Most of my family, extending back 3 generations, have served in the Armed forces and I have a nephew who is in the Army. Your brother-in-law will not be forgotten.
Sorry for your loss. Thankyou for your post. xo
Sending love and hugs. xx
Such terrible news. If it’s any consolation I’m sure he would understand that you didn’t get his care package to him. Such a difficult time for you and your family. My thoughts are with you xx
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Lest we forget.
There are tears and goosebumps reading this; I am so terribly sorry for such a tragic loss. We all have the best of intentions but life so often gets in the way. I am certain though he knew he was well loved and often thought of.
Sending you all our condolences for the loss of a brave man, and wish you some sense of peace during this toughest of times x
There is no room for regret in a life fully lived, which you do so joyously.
We cannot be all things to all people, sometimes we can just be and that is enough!
I hope the coming week is not too hard and that you can share memories of a wonderful man. Take care xxxxxxxx
I so, so sorry for your loss. What a tragedy beyond comprehension. We have a close friend who is serving in Afganistan at the moment, I am going to make anzac biscuits today and send the care package I have been meaning to send for weeks, I will be thinking of your brother-in-law and all the other brave men and women who serve.
I am so sorry for your loss.
It does really make you rethink everything, doesn’t it?
I let my house stay a little untidy, and the laundry pile up this weekend while I went out and played. I’d forgotten the good stuff among the other stuff.
Big hugs. xx
Big hugs to you too, Chantelle xx
You didn’t make a mistake you gorgeous thing – you did your best, loving and caring for your children, and moving your laundry around so the family could sit on chairs. It’s just love and life. And you seem to do both so well.
Totally understand your message though – it is so important to value and notice what we have right now – life can be fleeting and precarious or long and safe, and everything in between. We really should stop and take it in more than we do.
Much love to you and your family – an unbearable loss for your sister. I was so sorry to hear this news. Thinking of you xxoo
I’m so sorry for your loss NDM. Thoughts & love are with you & your fam x
A x
It is ok to be human, and get caught up in the day to day. You and your family are in my thoughts. He knows how much you love him xo
Oh, no. No no no. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I am just so very sorry. Thinking of you and your family.
Michelle x
Tears first thing on a Monday morning.
My DP is heading away from July to December to serve in a dusty place. I’m thinking I’ll have a first name relationship with the post office folks within a few weeks, because of sending regular care packages.
I’m so sorry that your family didn’t get to have the wonderful homecoming, and the return to normality. May we all continue to honour those who worked to make the world a better place.
My heart is so heavy for you, your sister and both families. Thinking of you, much love gorgeous xx
I’m so sorry. For you, for his family, for your family. My heart breaks a little every time I hear of another death on the war fronts. And there are so many we don’t even hear about.
Take care of your loved ones and hold them close…
That was so heartbreaking and beautiful. So very sorry for your lost, and also so thankful that you’ve taken the time in your grief to share this with us as it’s an important reminder to all of us. Take comfort in the fact that you’ve beautifully honored him with your words. May God bless you and your family, and bring you peach during this time.
I am so sorry for your loss, and your family’s loss. And I am grateful for the sacrafice your brother-in-lw made. Go gently.
Oh for the love…I of course meant peace, not peach. Though if you’d like peaches, may God bring you those too. Seriously, though, lots of love during this difficult time.
peaches are nice too.
So sorry, so very sad for your loss. What an amazing brave man.
Oh Darling NDM,
I am so sorry for your loss. My deepest Condolences go to you and your sister and family.
xoxo
I am so very sorry for your loss, and am thinking of you and your family often. And thank you for the message of your post – it’s one I believe in so strongly, but can so easily get caught up in the day-to-day and not honour.
He was remembered in the media as an amazing and outstanding soldier, which I’m sure is little comfort to your family at this time. Even those of us unsure of our country’s motivations in this war, have nothing but the utmost admiration for your brother-in-law and the sacrifices that both he and your entire family have now made.
Your post has added even more power to the purpose of his life and I thank you for sharing and wish your family all the best.
NDM, I am so sorry for this terrible loss of a loved one. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Take care
Jo xxxx
I am so so sorry for the loss of your brother n law and my heart goes out your sister and you and your whole family .
so very sad…
Snuggle together with your family.
You know that I noticed this fine man at your party. He looked to me like he knew he was very well-loved, as did your beautiful sister at his side.
Much love.
Oh sweetheart, it is the hardest lesson of all to learn. There is never ever an easy way. I had to learn this as Mum was dying. I still hold it with me today, I am so conscious of the fact that I have so little time.
I am sorry your heart is hurting and I am sorry that you didn’t make the biscuits.I am sorry you had to have this regret.
I send you the sincerest of condolences. The fact that you thought about the making of the biscuits makes a difference. Please don’t torture your mind over the not making of them. You can make a difference now with support and love. I am so very very sorry for your loss and even though I don’t know your sister I send condolences to the whole family. Each day via the media we hear of casualities of war which in stark reality affect whole families for ever. It is humbling to read in a blog. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain this is causing.
I am so very very sorry for your loss.
So little to say except to add my deepest condolences to those of others here. We are holding you and your family in the light.
I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t think anyone in Australia would be untouched by this tragic news, another loss of one of our brave diggers. And your brother-in-law. A reminder that soldiers are real people with family and friends who will grieve for them.
My eyes are full of tears as I mourn your loss. I’m so sorry to hear about your brother-in-law. Sending prayers to you and your family. I will keep him and all our other soldiers in my thoughts this Memorial Day, and every day.
You know, we all do this, hon. Every single one of us. We put off a catch up with a friend, or we don’t send that Mother’s Day card one year, or we don’t get around to baking those Anzac biscuits.
Don’t beat yourself up about this at all. I’m sure you BIL would completely understand it’s just life, that’s all. The very fact it concerns you at all shows how much you care. He’d know that. Truly.
Thoughts and prayers with you. xxx
So sorry for your loss, we’ll spare a special thought for him each Dawn Service, condolences to the families xx
So sorry for your loss. The thoughts and heartfelt best wishes of so many people are with your family because you shared on your blog. Best of luck for the difficult times ahead.
Thinking of you often in the past week. You are one of the most caring people I know and I have no doubt that your brother-in-law knew you cared for him and loved him. I hope that the love your and your family have for your sister is able to assist her through this trauma, and that you also know how much your friends and family care for you, dear NDM. Thank you for this lovely post. You have not failed at all.
My heart aches for you, your whole family and especially your sister.
Thank you for this post and its message.
xoxo
Oh sweetheart. Bawling over here. I’m so sorry. About your loss – about your Anzac Cookie unfulfilled intentions. About how Anzac Day will never be the same for you and your family.
I’m thinking of you so much. XOXOX
Honour him by making every day count.
Sending lots of love to you and your family.
I’m so incredibly sorry NDM. For all of it. You, him, your family. Sending love and wishing I could do more x
The words aren’t coming out right. I keep writing them, and then deleting. I’m so very sorry for your loss, for your families loss. It’s a tragic waste and shame and shit and fucked and it’s terrible.
Thank you for this timely reminder. We will NOT forget them. Nor him. Their efforts and legacy remains stronger in my heart more than ever.
Sending you love x
NDM, I hope all these comments give you some comfort. A tragic waste, in a horrible unwinnable war. Hugs to you xxx
Hugs to you and yours.xxxxx
I’m so very sorry for your families loss.
I think this post will remind many of us to do things for our loved ones and not put things off.
Thank you for posting this poignant reminder.
Much love to you and your family today.
There is a whole nation here who are eternally grateful to people like your brother in law.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Deepest sympathy to you and your family, On the loss of a very brave man, and the gratitiude of a nation for your family’s sacrifice.
Our warmest thoughts and wishes
So very sorry, you are in my thoughts. Big hugs xxxx
Oh No.
(but when there’s no toner, remember the old fashioned pen and paper)
Thinking of you and yours xx
My deepest sympathies to you and your family
Oh NDM, like so many others I am so sorry for your family’s loss. My heart aches for you.
Sending much love and hugs to your family, and especially your sister.
My thoughts and love to you and your family.
Lest we forget. Not regret, my love.
The intention was there, as was the love.
My heart is breaking all over again for you and your family.
Love and strength to you all
xxx
I read this first thing this morning and I’m so sorry that my life got in the way from coming back to comment. I really wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking of your family all week. xxx
So deeply sorry for you and your family, especially your sister. When I recently met you, you were infectiously happy, living your life to the full and that is part of why we’re all here too. Please don’t burden yourself with regrets, take care x
Honey, from everything I have read, from all the words you have written about Brett, it is very clear that you cared greatly for him, and held him in high esteem. He would have known this. And I am sure that he knows that you are helping to care for his wife, which is the only thing he would want. Take care darling xxx
Dear NDM,
An awful loss. My love and thoughts to you, your beautiful sister and all the family. You have nothing to feel guilty about, truly.
I am sorry to hear of your loss. Wishing you and your family love. xo
I am so sorry. Thank you so much for this incredibly beautiful post. I wish I had more to offer than that but I can’t find the words.
Words are not so great now.
I can never find the right words to convey how sorry I am for someone’s great loss.
It’s hard, and it will get easier with time, I’m sure you know this.
Know that right now, you don’t need to hold back.
It’s your time to grieve, take as long as you need.
Thoughts and prayers with your family
x
Shite – I’m so sorry for the heartache you and your family are feeling right now. What an amazing man to support his country with such honour. No doubt he’ll be remembered by many. Thinking of you xxx
Bloody war. Bring them all back I say. I am so sorry that you lost your B-I-Lly. Love and hugs to you and yours x
as i read this it occurs to me how many of us recognise the symbolism of ANZAC Day, but forget the real people who lost their lives and loved ones … this is a chance for us all to take the time to think about what such a loss would mean to us as wives/husbands, mothers/father, sisters/brothers … and sisters/brothers-in-law.
wishing you and your family and friends courage, strength and eventual healing. xt
That is a heart breakingly beautiful piece. Much love. xxxxxx
I’m so very sorry
Much love to you and your family.
I am so sorry to hear of your family’s loss. Lots of hugs xx
I’ve written 9 responses so far. None of them right. Sending you much love.
So difficult. A fine, fine post NDM for a fine man. x
Thank you for reminding me of that which is most important… and I am sorry for your loss x
Sending love from my family to yours as there are no words that I can think to say xx
Much love and sympathy to your sister, your brother-in-law’s family & of course to you and yours. I thought of Brett especially today, Monday 30 May. I heard on the news that the plane carrying his body after it’s sad farewell in Afghanistan was landing at Richmond NSW. It was tonight it was scheduled to land. I live about half an hour from the Air Force Base & all I thought about was how wet & dark & cold it would be when he, Brett, arrived home. Then I recalled the rain.. And it hasn’t stopped. This rain is all of our tears for Brett, and his loved ones…and reminds me over & over again that “lest we forget” …
Vale a man who helps us be free. Sorrow to his wife & family but pride for him, the man and the soldier.
I am so sorry. We can never know and much less when someone is in a place of conflict. My sincere condolences to your sister and whole family.
Am so sorry for your loss love. x
Tears in my eyes … such a touching way to announce such a horrible tragedy. My sincere condolences to you and all of your family. My work lady friends and I were discussing our men over there just this morning, all agreeing that we should bring them home. Now.
I am sorry. Sending thoughts to your family.
You are a wonderful human being and do the best you can every day. We love you NDM. Hang in there, stay strong and continue to fill our worlds with laughter and zaniness.
He knows you love him. May your family find peace, especially your dear sister.
Chills. I’ll be thinking of you and your family. These soldiers do us proud – what unbelievable humans.
That is the most heartbreaking post. The sadness of this has affected many many lives – we may be complete strangers but we are united in our grief for a tragic senseless loss. I too send my condolences and love to you and your family. x
So sorry for your family’s loss.
Condolances and hugs to you all xoxo
I am so very sorry for your loss. Hugs and strength to your family. Lest we forget.
This post made me cry, NDM. I’m thinking of you. Love and a big hug.
My scorpio buddy, I have been here each day and have tried to write something. Im sorry. I dont know what to write. The right words just aren’t coming to me.
I am so so so sorry for yours and your family’s loss. My heart breaks for your sister. I get you about those anzac biscuits and I am grateful that you have reminded me of my job to do in the next 8-9 months.
Sending your sister and your family strength, light, healing and most of all memories of a courageous spirit. May he remind you always that he is around as a guardian angel.
Sending love and lots of it. -xxxx-
I can’t begin to imagine your pain. It is because of brave men and women like your brother-in-law that we, as Americans, are allowed the freedom that we enjoy. I’m so sorry for your loss.
My deepest sympathies to your husband and family. A tragic loss… xx
Terrible news NDM. so sorry for you and your family.
there are a lot of words here ndm. all saying what i need to say… there will be added poignancy going into every batch of anzac bikkies forever more. we will remember them, my friend. xx
I am so sorry for your loss, Mr L’s best friend is out fighting at the moment it is our worse fear. It is such a strong message that you are sending out. Life is quick don’t ever forget that. Thoughts are with you and your family xxx
Thinking of you and your family today xox
I am so so terribly sorry to hear this news. I wish I could write something to make it feel better but of course that’s impossible. Just know that everybody’s thinking of you and your family. Much love. x
Beautiful. Tears. xxxxxx
So sorry to read about your family’s loss. It’s very sad. I was thinking today – being a soldier carries a great risk of dying at work. Your brother in law was a good man, he worked hard for his country and to keep us and those in Afghanistan safe. So sorry he was taken.
Hey Beautiful,
I only just made the connection between you and this tragedy. I think there are always regrets when we lose someone close. Much love to your sister and family.
Thank you for your honesty and reminding us all to make the most of the moments we have, because none of us know what is coming with the dawning of a new day. But please, be kind to yourself. I’m sure your brother-in-law knew how much you loved and respected him – it oozes through every word on you post and I have no doubt he would have been certain of your care for him, even while far away.
Please know I’m keeping you and your family in my prayers. The road ahead may be dark with grief, but there are people who care about you who will walk with you along the way. Blessings xx
thanks for your post NDM. How very sad, I’m so sorry to read this.
Lest we forget.
Oh, shit, although I don’t even know you, I feel such sorrow for you. I follow your blog which is always so upbeat, but for this to happen is catastophic. My answer to helping with your grief is to rely on your friends. They will understand more than you can believe (in my experience). Let them love you, hug you, and let you cry. Let them make you tea, cry on their shoulders and listen to you. Allow them to help out with the kids. Although it’s your time now, there will be a time that you can help them out. So, take the loving and generosity of your friends when you need it. You don’t know when they will need it back. I still feel so dreadfully sad for you and your loss. This is the joy of womanhood; understanding (even when we don’t really know or have experienced it ourselves – this is my current position, as I’m going through so something similiar, so I feel I’ve got a ‘heads up’) Wishing you love and comfort.
That was a very sad post. I’m so sorry for your loss and just try to remember that the future is always brighter
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Much love to you and yours,
STxxx
What a heart wrenching story. I can only imagine the pain that your family may feel. May your brother in law be greatly rewarded in heaven and we pray that the wars will some day come to end.
[...] barrelled in a set of waves with all those irrational thoughts was a beautiful twitter friend, The NDM who lost her brother-in-law, Sergeant Brett [...]
To dear NDM, the friend I haven’t yet met. I was travelling at the time and missed this news until I saw today’s post. I’m praying that I can say something “not too terribly inadequate”.
My sister lost her husband at a similar life stage; walking with her on the journey of his dying and her grief is undoubtedly the most difficult thing I’ve done (and am still doing, 12 years later). But it’s also the most worthwhile work I’ve ever done, and the work of which I’m most proud. You can’t change that he’s gone. You can’t change that she feels rotten, and ripped off. But you can be there for her, and accept that she will have good and bad days, and listen, and love her as hard as you can. Try to offer some gentle assistance and guidance when you think it will be helpful, without burdening her with too much “advice”. Talk about him with her; don’t feel that you need to avoid the subject. Follow your heart, and nurture hers as much as you can.
Enormous hugs to you all. xxxx
sending big hugs to you and your family. I always think of the families left behind when a soldier dies when serving his country. such sacrifice. When my mum passed away this year I had to stop reading blogs for awhile because everything was cheery happy and had fun things in their world and I just felt so sad. It was so unfair that they could be happy. But overtime it got easier and I’m back but I always think of her.
I’ll keep your sister in my thoughts and prayrs as it must be just so hard.
corriexxxx
Wishing you and yours peace and strength right now. I’m so sorry that he has gone.
With so much love in your heart, NDM, how can the hands ever fully express it all?
And so much love in the permission slips, doctors appointments, clean laundry…
May you be borne up by the good memories, and the comfort of all who mourn with you
xox
I discovered your blog today,I thought by accident. I had listened to a teaching from my prior pastor via the web and he had a funny story about the “cross eyed constipated bear”. In my search for the lyrics, I hit your blog and received a much needed life lesson.
In a scant five minutes I went from laughing to crying. Life is so much like that. Living life out loud is, in my opinion, the only option one can do. It’s so boring otherwise and a waste of a great gift. Your brother in law, I suspect enjoyed your humor and take on life more than you can imagine.
My prayers and appreciation to his family for his service and may you all find peace.