This blog post started off with the title ‘An Open Letter To My Cold Sore’ but honestly, that fucker doesn’t deserve its own open letter.
It’s been the Worst House Guest Ever. It arrived unannounced, trashed my face (and my reputation as a Great Beauty – yeah, yeah, don’t laugh) and it then proceeded to overstay its welcome by, like, FOREVER.
For a while there, my only hope was that it would eventually grow so large it would become the size of a small African nation and proclaim its independence from me.
As it was, it quite possibly became the first human lesion visible from outer space. Most certainly, it arrived in a room a good thirty seconds before the rest of my body did. Small children would burst into tears when I – or rather ‘it’ – approached them. Some adults thought I was an extra from the film ‘Alien’ being attacked by a face-hugger. And I thoroughly expected Wes Craven to contact me in the hope my cold sore could be the New Face of Freddy Kruger.
I found myself having to warn friends in advance of meeting them.
“I have a cold sore,” I told them. “Do not talk about the cold sore, do not look at the cold sore and, most certainly, do not address the cold sore directly.”
I was worried that if they gave the cold sore too much attention, it would develop a human-like personality and end up with its own reality TV show by the end of the week. Like the Kardashians.
And every time it looked like it was on the mend, it would make a sudden comeback. Like Aussie Rocker Legend™ Johnny Farnham (although nowhere near as embarrassing).
And when it finally DID start to go away, it felt like the boyfriend that nobody ever liked but never told you they didn’t like him until after you’d broken up. Everyone who’d said things like ‘Oh, you can hardly see it!’ or “What cold sore?” at the height of my cold sore’s power, finally admitted, once it had slowly diminished into the west like some Elvin Queen on a boat, “Yeah, that was a big one” or “Man, that shit was like Cold Sore-zilla!”.
Listen, there is one good thing you can say about my cold sore and that is this: it made me come in from the cold and write this blog post. Even if it was kinda hard to see past the cold sore while I wrote it.
Have you tried Valtrax? Prescription only medicine. Meant for the ‘other type’ of herpes but performs same cure on this type. Ridiculously expensive but MIRACULOUS. Will change your life….
Zoe Foster’s new book “Amazing Face” had an amazing chapter on how she deals with her cold sores. Check it out!
Whatever it took to get you back NDM, whatever it took. Very happy to have back.
I’m loving the cold sore for its Kardashian-like ways and for bringing you back. x
I can’t believe that people are giving you cold sore cure recommendations instead of saying W E L C O M E B A C K! And you’ll see that I shouted it and spaced it out, so I obviously really mean it. (I would have used italics and bold, but I don’t know how to do that. :/)
Cold sores are my nemesis. I am but of vision of beauty *ahem* until those little parasites attach to my face. Wonderful start to my day reading one of your masterful posts xx
Welcome back! Lovely to hear from you in the bloggersphere. By the way, we have a thing called Google Plus now, it’s kind of our new Social Networking Overlord. Make sure you say hello.
Welcome back. We missed you. xx
Normally I would not celebrate the popping up of such an annoying character, but in this case, his heinous nature has helped…we got to see YOU again. Now here’s hoping he stays suppressed whilst you continue to shine your sarky-arse humour on all of us! Missed you 🙂
If it took a cold sore to get you back here, then I say Yay for the cold sore. Sorry, but there it is.
Nothing like a little facial friend to bring you back to blogging. You’ve been missed!
“For a while there, my only hope was that it would eventually grow so large it would become the size of a small African nation and proclaim its independence from me.”
HAHAHAHAHA!
Welcome back! And good riddance to the cold-sore! I hope you’re well and looking after yourself…
You’re back! And you’re film-referencing. Brilliant.
I’ve seen the cold sore and I have to say it’s the perfect organism; its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility. I…admire it. It’s a survivor unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.
OK, you can turn the flame-thrower on me now.
I too love the cold sore for bringing you back. Send me a flake of it and I will have it framed.
Missed you xx
Good to see you back, even if I never comment 🙂
Hopefully your coldsore takes retirement more seriously than John Farnham. That could be ugly. Every 6 months, there would be a come back tour … Eeep!
yay!
Cold sore or no, you’re baaaaack!
xo
Welcome back, lovely. x
Proving yet again my favourite adage – ‘Who knows what’s good or bad?” In my case it was something a bit more dramatic, but that’s not the point.
Now keep writing, or it will come back. And I’ll refer to it as you know what.
Comparing herpes to John Farnham – sheer NDM brilliance.
Nice to read you again, my friend.
I rarely comment on your blog even though I read it regularly – its lovely to see you pop up in twitter stream. Welcome back.
NDM, as a fellow sufferer, I sympathise. I have to time my extra marital affairs, in between cold sores. How inconvenient, is that ? Welcome back, babe…. 🙂
hahaha cold sores are terrible things,.. hope its gone soon!
Hurrah!!!! Did you know that we all paid that cold sore to stick around until you got your blogging mojo back. Great job cold sore. Welcome back. I missed you lots. xxxx
Welcome back NDM. I missed you.
I’ve had only one cold sore in my entire life. At first I didn’t know what it was, I thought something had bitten me in my sleep, so went to the doctor as soon as he opened. He said it was a cold sore, told me what cream to get from the chemist and said that every hour I should remove the crust from the sore and apply the cream. It was gone in just under two days. Never to retun. I wish I could remember what cream it was.
Is it really you? I can’t see past that cold sore x
Can empathise. Just getting over one myself, but you definitely win in the SIZE stakes! PMSL about Johnny Farnham reference.Welcome back!
I loved every minute of this blog. I’m new here but will be following from now on.
Thanks cold sore! xx
Great to have a reason to blog and tell us about The Cold Sore that has its own post code. You have been missed … A lot. Xx
A joke to share with your children when they are older:
Q: What is the difference between herpes and true love?
A: Herpes last forever.
(How did I become so jaded?)
Welcome back. We missed you!
Welcome back, NDM! Cold sores have never been so entertaining.
Welcome back. And piss off cold sore. x
What everyone else has said! Boo to the cold sore but welcome back.
It’s lovely to have your presence again online. Stay sane and remember that a little NDM goes a long way so we, your humid* fans, will be patient as you emerge from your crysalis of compassion and sad things.
*not a typo – a NDM fan is always slightly sweaty with anticipation.
Welcome back NDM!
Would that I were a cold sore, that I might hug your face. Missed you NDM. Mondays now have a renewed purpose (even if I am writing this on a Thursday)
it’s good to see you back, we missed you!
(…and i recommend taking lysine tablets for the little fucker, they are super cheap and seem to take the severity/lengthiness out of mine!)
LOVELY to see you back. xo
Lovely that you’re back. I enjoyed this post very much!
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