An imaginary conversation between The NDM and An Imaginary Friend about Real Events.
NDM: God, I had an awful day yesterday.
FRIEND: Oh, dear. I’m listening…
NDM: I went to [insert name of local monster mall] with the three kids but without a stroller…
FRIEND: Oh, I think I know where this is heading…
NDM: We went to Sanity Records first because I wanted to exchange those Deadwood disks. Except I couldn’t find the receipt and was expecting a bit of a fight. But the guy there was really helpful, remembered me from the time I’d made my original purchase and swapped them straight over.
FRIEND: And the kids? (Shifts slightly in seat in anticipation) What did they do?
NDM: They just browsed through the DVD bargain bin.
FRIEND: (disappointed) Oh.
NDM: And then we all had to walk right to the other side of the centre to go to EB Games to get a Wii disk polished.
FRIEND: (perking up) And?
NDM: We stopped to look at things along the way. There’s lots of interesting things to look at in shop windows if you take the time to stop and look. Which we did. And when we got to EB Games, the teenage shop assistant was very helpful as well and the children and I enjoyed looking at all the different Wii accessories while we waited. There’s quite a lot, you know. Even a little steering wheel. Although I think it’s probably called a steering Wii-l.
FRIEND: (stifles yawn) Right.
NDM: It was all going so well that I decided to push my luck even further and pick up some groceries at Safeway on our way out.
FRIEND: (mutters to self) Here comes the money shot, surely…
NDM: I let everyone carry their own basket…
FRIEND: …And… AND??
NDM: It took us no time at all. And we sang songs together in the car on the way home. (PAUSE) And that’s it.
FRIEND: That’s it?? That’s your “awful day”??
NDM: Yes, that’s it. That’s my awful day.
FRIEND: I don’t understand. Where’s the crisis?
NDM: Where’s the crisis? WHERE’S THE CRISIS? The crisis is there is no fucking crisis. How on earth am I going to blog about that???
FRIEND: I’m sure you’ll find a way.
NDM: Not bloody likely.