To be honest, the evening probably started on the wrong note. A frank discussion about nether-regions waxing – before we’d even ordered our first cocktail, I should add – had me proclaiming a bad ‘bum fluff’ wax related in one story to be a ‘bum mullet’.
The three of us (birthday girl GT, our long-serving mutual friend [Name Withheld For Legal Reasons] and yours truly) were at GT’s favourite bar in Sydney – her “home away from home” – although admittedly, it was a little further away from her home than I would have liked since we’d walked there in our heels and I’d subsequently lost all radio contact with my toes.
Luckily alcohol helps in these situations and we hit the cocktails. After our first round, the owner of the bar sent GT over a complimentary cocktail for her birthday. Strangely, it was the fruity cocktail that I’d been drinking (and not the ‘dirty martini’ she’d been drinking) and so she gave it to me. I like to think this mistake happened because the manager had asked the waitress “Which cocktail is GT drinking? You know, the glamourous one in glasses…” and the waitress had assumed he was talking about me.
Yes, that must be it, especially since I’d been the one shrieking “BUM MULLET!” at the top of my voice.
Then the moment that I’d been waiting all my life happened. Three glasses of champagne arrived, unbidden, with the words “These come with the compliments of the three men in the corner.” Following bar etiquette, we all turned and raised our glasses to them. The fact that one of them was actually GT’s friend and that they were all gay did not detract from this genuinely exciting moment.
Anyway, it was little wonder that after so much excitement and free drinks, the conversation should turn to mathematics – or rather, Venn diagrams. You see, we decided to work out if the three of us had ever all shared the same ‘conquest’ – you know, whether there was a point where our three circles (so to speak) met.
The answer was no. This was, in turns, not surprising and yet very surprising.
It was not surprising because there are well over 3 billion males on the planet. It was surprising, however, because two of us were from Perth and we all know what that means.
However, the most surprising thing of all was the point where GT and [NWFLR]’s circles overlapped.
“Who is it?” I asked.
GT and [NWFLR] exchanged quick, embarrassed looks and then looked away.
“WHO?” I demanded.
“Uh, we share [Man Least Likely],” [NWFLR] confessed.
“WHAT? [MAN LEAST LIKELY]????” I was outraged. I had known about [Man Least Likely]’s affaire d’amour with GT but not that he’d got it awnnnnn with [NWFLR]. That particular little secret had been kept from me for fifteen years. Fifteen years!
[NWFLR], for her part, was a little bit pleased with herself – about the secret keeping, that is, but perhaps not the conquest itself.
“I am an international lady of mystery!” she said. “Anyway, you and GT share someone, too.”
She was right, of course. GT had briefly dated my husband a couple of years before I met him and, in fact, had introduced him to me.
“Yes, but he’s my husband and the father of my three kids!” I argued. “I think that counts as Full Disclosure! I mean, we’re talking [Man Least Likely] here. [MAN-LEAST-FUCKING-LIKELY]!!”
And amidst all the subsequent laughter and shrieking and carry-on, I paused for reflection. Even with the sixty-four years of friendship the three of us shared between us, there were still surprises to be had. What a many-spendoured thing female friendship is…
_______________
Happy 40th Birthday, GT.
Love it … men come and go but girlfriends are forever. Those friendships are priceless!
Especially when those friendships get me free drinks!
What a fabulously dangerous conversation 🙂 Those girlfriends are keepers. Great blog!
They are keepers, indeed – especially since our lives have gone in such different directions (i.e. theirs is on an upward trajectory, whereas mine seems to be in some kind of nose dive…)
My BFF and I have never Venn Diagrammed the same man. Thank fuck. Her taste is shocking.
Although there was that one time, during schoolies week…
No, the less said about that the better.
To be fair though, she fell asleep and I was still awake.
It was summer.
The Violent Femmes had messed with my head.
He was a barman.
I was young. I needed the money.
😉
But this post did make me hanker for a night out with her because when a girls night out rocks it is, quite simply, awesome! Glad you had a fabulous time.
(Are you opening up The Bum Mullet Salon – cos I know some people who might want in on that action)
Which Violent Femmes song messed with your head, I wonder.
I have always wondered how blisters in the sun “go on”. You’d think the sun might have some healing properties but I guess it depends on how you got your blister in the first place. If it was from sunburn, then you’re in trouble.
(I predict that the Bum Mullet will be 2010’s must-have hair style).
Yep. Venn diagram convergence. Oh yes. But my Venn diagram with a friend includes brothers – the hotly-desired R & D – yes, gives a whole new meaning to ‘research and development, doesn’t it!
Brothers – oh yes it does.
Not at the same time, mind you – either her, me, or them – but a pair of lovely lads they were. Couldn’t get two more different brothers.
Although they did have one remarkable similarity …
Which she and I discussed AT LENGTH!
oh my … I’ve gone all funny …
For a terrible moment, I thought you meant the venn diagram included each other’s brothers OR WORSE YET your own brothers (Flowers In The Attic-style).
I was kind of relieved that their own blood relationship was with each other and that they were merely well-hung.
Another fun mathematical game without the aid of a Venn diagram is to identify your Doris number. Nominate your ‘Doris’ and then determine your degrees of separation from Doris. If you slept with Doris you have a Doris number of one. If you slept with someone who slept with Doris you have a Doris number of two….and so on. Allegedly – this game was invented by a group of mathematicians after a late night drinking session following a conference…allegedly. In your case perhaps best not to nominate GT as your Doris because where would be the fun in that!?
We are definitely playing this game on our snow holiday. You know I will make it happen.
Ahem,
Answers on the back of a very small, enfin, very big, postcard?
KC…Only mathematicians would know ANYONE called Doris in their life
You’re just upset because you didn’t even make any of the circles… as far as I know… Is there another secret people need to tell me here?
Yeah – that guy in paris definitely has a Doris number. Particularly if you nominate XXXXXXX as Doris.
No rest assured NDM at that age I kept my Venn Diagram claims to a minimum. I can only think of one, very painful one, sigh, and by memory it wasn’t you. So in other words:
NO VD between us sweetie! xx
(Though I wish I’d kept up that policy in later years…, ever decreasing circles…)
KC: I have never willingly or wittingly known ANYONE by the name of Doris. Though I am getting flashbacks about a rat, rabbit or other of the rodent variety.
This is a timely post for me, because I turn 40 on Thursday and because I am coming to Sydney to celebrate. Lord help you Sydneysiders. The person who will be shrieking rude things in the bar will be me. I think it will end up being a dance-around-your-handbag-in-some-seedy-retro-bar kind of weekend.
No Venn Diagram for me as I got ‘committed’ way early. Was 21 when I met hubby and my friends were all doing their single days much later than me–so no overlap. Being from a different hemisphere also reduces the chances.
Bum mullet–classic!
Sydney is definitely a fine town to turn 40, especially when you are just a visitor and can thus flee the scene of any crimes or misdemeanours without fearing you’ll run into the people whose property was involved at the supermarket.
Have a great one!
I am so mathematically challenged that I practically had to google Venn Diagram, before context set me straight. But the Bum Mullett is something I’d like to read more about. Or would I?
After I had my first (emergency) c-section, I ended up with a pubic mullet. I know nobody really wanted to know that but I felt compelled to say it anyway.
Awww – I loved this post! It was like watching an episode of your life on tv. Just one thing: can you just explain again EXACTLY what you look like, or better still, post a pic so I can get the full picture? That’d be great. 😉
BTW – I’m a Perth girl myself, so I’m off to read the linked post to find out what’s up with that. 😉 <- I'm winking a lot today. Don't take it as flirtatious. I'm definitely no flirt! 😉
Oops.
All you need to know is that I was the glamourous one in glasses shouting “Bum Mullet!”…
BTW, you are definitely flirting with me but I like it. I like it a lot.