The other morning, The Pixie told me about a dream she’d had about Harry Potter. This was markedly different from the dream I’d had about my husband misbehaving himself with a french exchange student. (“We’re never getting a french exchange student now, are we?” my husband said dolefully when I told him about the dream. Listen, he’s only got his Dream Self to blame.)
The Pixie’s dream involved her talking to Harry Potter and then getting ‘ouchies’ all over her foot.
“It wasn’t real – it was just a dream!” The Pixie told me, as she examined her foot. “Is Harry Potter real, Mama?”
“No, sweetheart, he’s just a character,” I replied. I explained about the books and then the movie version of the books. The Pixie thought deeply about this for a while.
“Harry Potter is a boy who just wanted to be in a movie!” she concluded, before jumping onto her next question. “Was Michael Jackson real?”
“Yes,” I replied. Well, bits of him were.
“He’s dead because his doctor gave him the wrong medicine,” she gravely informed me.
This was a little different from her original theory when he first died that “Michael Jackson was just too sad because he had girl hair.” Mr Justice, on the other hand, was quick to say “Why did Michael Jackson die? Because someone told him to ‘Beat It’.” which – at the time – fell into the ‘Too Soon’ joke category. I was so proud.
There’s a whole generation of children who are learning about death through Michael Jackson. Even my friend The Fabulous Miss Jones’ three year old knows who he is (although she calls him “Mikeson Jackson”) and my little friend Cyclone Bella (aged 4) is often heard to exclaim “Michael Jackson is the best boy in the world!” and refuses to accept he is dead. According to her dad Uncle B, however, she was heard to remark “Michael’s face is changing!” while watching his ‘Best Of’ collection on DVD. And no, Uncle B went on to add, it wasn’t when she was watching Thriller.
Anyway, we talked a little while about Michael Jackson and how his kids must have felt very sad when he died. The Pixie went on to explain that he was probably “in Heaven” now – a place that is apparently “on the way to Chloe’s house”.
“You mean the place where all the graves are?” I asked. I mean, she was either referring to the big cemetery or the Hungry Jacks with the cool slide.
“Yes, you go to Heaven when you die so you can become soil. Michael Jackson is soil now.”
Tiddles McGee piped up suddenly with something that sounded like “He wore a pumpkin suit!”
“He wore a pumpkin suit?” I asked.
“No! He drank pumpkin juice,” Tiddles McGee clarified – which, quite frankly – didn’t make much more sense than him wearing a pumpkin suit. “And there was this hand that went all mouldy.”
“Mouldy?”
“No, moley.”
“Michael Jackson had a mole hand?” I tried to clarify. It would certainly explain why he wore one glove.
“No! Harry Potter drank the pumpkin juice. And the other one got the moley hand.”
I didn’t want to ask who “the other one” was. I was confused enough as it is.
Need I mention this conversation happened before 7 o’clock in the morning and before I’d even had my first coffee of the day? Hopefully someone will read this post before their first coffee of the day and can share my pain…
Because only a non-sequitur is appropriate at this juncture, I have thoughtfully provided some of the lyrics to Michael Jackson;s fantastic ode to a rat…”Ben”.
I hope this helps, NDM.
Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I’ll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You’ve got a friend in me
(you’ve got a friend in me)
Ben, you’re always running here and there
You feel you’re not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind
And don’t like what you find
There’s one thing you should know
You’ve got a place to go
(you’ve got a place to go)
Ben was a rat? All this time I thought he was Michael’s gay lover.
My son Indy went as zombie Michael Jackson last halloween. Yes, maybe slightly too soon but topical and borderline sick is what we aim for in our family. So i did him up in the whole military style back jacket circa the Pepsi advert hairburning incident era and zombied the boy’s face up good style.
When he looked at (man in) mirror- he told me he didn’t look like Michael Jackson. In fact he took the right huff.
I shoved him out into the streets anyway. Of course what he looked like wasn’t MJ as he knew him- surgeried up Jacko. i wondered whether he was expecting me to resculpt his face based on the facial proportions of Liz Taylor and Diana Ross…
That video clip he did with Lisa-Marie Presley in the faux roman temple was scarier than any zombie film I’ve ever seen…
I have to agree, that clip is bad, and I love Michael, but that I did not want to see.
We are also not getting a French Exchange student, and hubby hasn’t even had a dream about one. I think??
My husband hasn’t even had a dream about one. He complained that if she was only going to pay us a dream visit, why the hell did she come to MY dream and not HIS.
Yes, it is just after 8 am and I feel your pain. My kids are not that insightful, however they start talking the moment they open their eyes, all too much at 6.30 in the morning I say! Thanks for another giggle! xoxo
The fact you regard any observations of ‘the other one’s “moley hand” as “insightful” fills my heart with pride for my small son.
Hmm, Harry drank the pumpkin juice and the other one got the moley hand, is Tiddles referring to Dumbledore and his bung hand in the second last book maybe? Hilarious start to the day NDM!
Close… Mad Cow got even closer to the reference (see her comment) but I think the ‘moley’ hand was Hermoine’s when she turned into a cat – or rather a cat-like mole.
That was wonderfully written and the funniest post I think I have ever read on a blog. Mine are 20 and 18 now and memories of conversations similar to the above pop into my head on occassion.
Thank you for taking the time to write it. I am laughing and I needed to laugh.
Thank you for your kind comment. Reading it made me’ glad I’d taken the time to write it down so I can look back and remember those trippy conversations when they are older…
We had a string of French au pairs, and the most attractive one had furry little thighs like a faun – she only depilated up to the knee…
a more innocent age.
I’ll pass that little titbit on to my husband – it’ll add fuel to the flames of his own French exchange student dreams…
I love the fact that conversations in your house go along the same lines as conversations in my house – that is to say, no discernible straight line whatsoever. You did well to manage all that before 7am. Very well.
Thanks LIAPF! Moreover I did well to remember any of the conversation at all for this post, right?
haaaaaaaa love it! ‘….had only his Dream Self’ to blame haaaaaaaaaaaa! and oh yes even with only one kidlet we manage conversations like that – when I think of some I’ll post them 🙂
I expect your son and my daughter could dream up an entire alternate universe together in the course of one casual conversation.
Oh yes I feel that pain , totally empathise. The 6am conversations in our bed also make my brain hurt!
I think they invented coffee for people with children like ours…
We once had a French au pair. I do not recommend it.
I love the pumpkin juice and moley hand. My kids also love Michael Jackson, although Miss 7 believes there are 3 MJs. The black one, the white one, and the dead one.
Can’t argue with that really.
I think your Miss 7 is on the money, MIA. Perhaps she can explain Mel Gibson’s recent demise or Harrison Ford’s earring to me’?
bemused and confused. What sort of mushroom omlette did you make for breakfast! Kids crack me up.
Don’t need ‘shrooms with my little girl around….
Aaaah, the whimsicalities ofa child’s mind. I’ve had three coffees, and I still can’t fathom the workings of the NDM offspring’s thought processes. BTW, is there life BEFORE 7am? We don’t have kids, you see…
There is far more life before 7am than I care to speak of…
Michael Jackson wearing a pumpkin suit would make a lot of sense …
Harry Potter drank Polyjuice Potion, and not pumpkin juice at ALL, and then the screen was filled with Ron’s hand going all lumpy and turning into Goyle’s hand. Or maybe it was Crabbe’s hand … anyhoo, I’m sure it was Ron’s hand they showed.
I’ve been subject to far too many HP movies and my have got it all confused with a dream I may have had. Or one your daughter may have had that I wasn’t actually privy to.
Pumpkin juice is an entirely different thing and no one wore a pumpkin suit. I think …
I suspect MJ was planning to make his big comeback wearing a pumpkin suit. It worked for John Travolta. Oh hang on, he just became a Scientologist…
MJ’s Number Ones DVD is a favourite in this house, although as the Responsible Parent I do have to pay close attention as to which clip it is up to in order to skip the inappropriate ones such as Thriller (my kids are 2 and 3) and particularly that faux-Roman temple one. My 3 year old is already a bit confused by MJs slightly androgynous gender, I don’t want the Lisa Marie antics complicating his mind further. But we do all enjoy watching the Black or White clip, especially that bit at the end where all the faces morph into different people and my kids always yell out which friend or family member each one looks like.
Yep, best to avoid exposing your kids to Lisa Marie because she’s the gateway to Elvis and a whole other heap of weird.
I just read it after my 8th coffee for the day and my head’s still hurtingnoit’snotyesitisohhangon…nahit’soknow. Ouch
I read this post. It totally made sense to me. Then I leaned back in the chair and thought “Holy Shit….if I can follow this conversation without pause, it probably means I am no longer allowed in the cool night clubs where they have velvet rops and stuff.” Pretty sure that’s in a handbook somewhere.
Yes, this post is the yardstick against which all minds are measured to see if they’ve “turned”. Yours, my friend, has definitely turned. Welcome to the Other Side.
Christ in crisp packet, it’s way passed 7am here and I’m still no near to figuring that one out. i do love the way kids mind work though.
Moley Hand would be a great name for a band! First single: “Michael Jackson wore a pumpkin suit”.
I’d SO listen to that song.
My boys have been introduced to Michael Jackson through “Plants vs Zombies.” I’m proud to say my boys think Michael Jackson is a zombie.
Michael Jackson is the legend