I think it’s safe to say that I was the only person at the recent school Quiz Night to have made my own team t-shirt.
Most certainly, if anyone else *had* made their own team t-shirt, they probably hadn’t made it for team with a name quite like ‘TEAM SPEEEDZ’ – a name born of a drunken conversation with my friend The White Lady some weeks beforehand (all I can say is thank god I didn’t name my children while under the influence).
And they wouldn’t have left making the t-shirt until the last minute and ended up using masking tape to write the words ‘TEAM SPEEEDZ’ on a black t-shirt.
And then they wouldn’t have had to reinforce the masking tape with sticky tape in the fear that the some of the letters might fall off and they’d be left wearing a ‘TEAM PEE’ t-shirt, which would just remind everyone about that time they pissed their pants on school grounds.
So yes, I made this t-shirt:
It’s fair to say that what I lack in brain power and ability to focus, I certainly make up for in enthusiasm. For weeks in the lead-up to the Quiz Night, I’d been pumping up my fellow team members by punctuating most sentences I uttered with “TEAMSPEEDZ!” (you have to say it as if it were one word, otherwise it just sounds stupid. Okay, so more stupid).
And then I drank just a little too much and it all fell apart. In my defence, this was the same day of my daughter’s birthday party and my husband’s rather ill-timed hangover. Let’s just say I had me some tension to release. And I was still recovering from the stress of organising two Quiz Night tables, which was not unlike doing a seating plan for a goddamn wedding with all the ‘who won’t sit with whos’ and ‘who doesn’t know anyone elses’.
By about the fifth round, I had completely taken my eye off the Quiz Night prize and set my sights on the people on the next table.
“Look at FatherOfCrankyPants looking at me. He’s soo hot for me right now,” I said to my friend The White Lady. FatherOfCrankyPants – it should be noted – was not looking at me. Not at all. In fact, I think he might have been trying to scrape something off the bottom of his shoe.
“Yes, yes,” said The White Lady, patting me on my arm like one might pat a small child on the head. “You’re a little bit bored now, aren’t you?”
Indeed I was. The other end of the table pretty much had the answering the questions bit of the Quiz Night under control. All that was left for our end of the table was to drink piss and talk shit.
“Look at that dad over there!” I continued, looking over at a table of people I didn’t know. “He’s checking me and my masking-tape t-shirt out. Again: Hot. For. Me. And that guy in the nylon tracksuit? Sohotformerightnow. ”
Yes, I had contracted a case of the ‘sohotrightnows’. This is when I make myself ‘sohotrightnow’ by telling everyone I see how hot I am at that very moment. It’s called “creating a buzz” by some PR types. By others, it might just be known as “being annoying and drunk”.
Sure enough, soon everybody was talking about how hot I was right then. By “everybody”, I mean ‘me’. Oh, and one other friend who went on to twitter to specifically mention that I was “sohotrightnow”- although he threw in the word “apparently”, which I thought showed how jealous he was that he wasn’t quite as hot as I was at that particular moment.
Anyway, the evening ended with a crushing third place defeat for ‘TEAM SPEEEDZ’ but with me being as hot as I ever was.
As we packed up, I made a point of going over to my friend McFee’s husband, whom I had discovered that evening was a complete hoot when playing lame-arse Quiz Night games.
“You are soooooo going to be my facebook friend,” I told him.
Indeed, I managed to befriend him on my iPhone while holding a full (plastic) glass of champagne as I walked home. My friend MM was witness to this amazing feat, although he had some reservations about it.
“Um, don’t you think it might be a bit ‘overwhelming’ to your new friend,” MM said to me. “I mean, we haven’t even left the school grounds yet.”
“He knows I’m sohotrightnow,” I told him, loftily. “He’ll be sohot for the friendship request.”
You have to understand that I’d manually converted my t-shirt to say ‘TEAM PEE’ by that stage and was spilling champagne on myself as I walked.
So hot right then.
And still right now.
Sohotrightnow.
___________________
The NDM: available for hire as entertainment at quiz nights, bar mitzvahs and ute musters.
I would like to hire you for my son’s barmitzvah in 2012, but only if you come in your Team Pee tee. Or perhaps you could be Lady Pee and come in a long white wig? That would work too.
I’m sohotforyourightnow. But then, I always was.
I first read that as my “Team Tee Pee” and got excited about renovating one of those Wiggles playtents (you know the ones that are easy to set up but take an advanced diploma in pop-up tent-folding to put away and come with no goddamn instructions) in the ‘TEAM SPEEEDZ’ style.
Yes, that means a mini-bar made out of masking tape.
But thanks, Kerri. I’m glad you’re still sohotformerightnow after all this time.
That Hansel, he’s so hot right now.
I would have been eying you off, that’s for sure. Nothing wrong with harassing someone into being your virtual friend either, makes for lifelong friendships.
I wish I was at your trivia nights, sounds like a lot more fun than violin plucking. xx
Perhaps we should suggest they introduce a quiz night element to the Australian Blogging Conference at the Dinner-slash-Dance?
We could form a team called ‘TEAM BLOGGAZZZZ”
Bags making the team tshirts.
Can I book you for a ute muster/rodeo in early November?
Yes, you can. As long as it’s not the 6th. My 40th party guests might not understand if I leave the party half-way through in a home-made tshirt and a pair of RM Williams boots (and nothing else).
Hoping you’ll come to my next sohotallthetime BIG event next year, too.
You can have the whole night to to be sohotallnight 🙂
Also, as for your friend suggesting a Facebook befriending might be ‘overwhelming’ – meh – isn’t that how facebook friends are made?
Also, just curious, when you spilt your champagne and were still sohotrightnow, had you not drunk your champers quickly enough that it lost it’s chill? Or are you just sohot that even chilled champagne can’t touch you?
I’m willing to bet it’s the latter 🙂
The chilled champagne turned to champagne steam the minute it hit me, Mad Cow. And don’t you know it.
Love the shirts! Did the rest of Team Speedz wear them too? Or were you taking one for the team?
Oh, the rest of the team all admired my tshirt but when I told them I’d brought along the masking tape and could transform their own clothes in a matter of minutes, they coughed and said they thought they could hear their mothers calling them.
I don’t even know what you look like but I’m sohotforyourightnow!!
It’s probably better that way, Bianca. How I actually look bears no relation to how hot I am (or not).
HEY! I would rather be sohotrightnow than smart! Congrats on your 3rd place and your new pick up skills.
Winning quiz nights is only for people who have nothing better to do with their lives. That much is clear.
So long as there was no flashing.
Oh, I know not to flash. For one thing, the colour of my skin at this time of year has such a bright fluorescent quality, it would – when combined with the atmospheric strip lighting of the school gymnasium – temporarily blind people.
Always good to be the sohotrightnow at the school fundraiser. x
… even if I’m the only person who could see it…
I’m SO jealous – I want to be sohotrightnow too….Perhaps you could give us some tips???
I think you need to get yourself some masking tape and write the word ‘BELIEVE’ on the mirror. Every time you doubt your sohotrightnow-ness, look in the mirror. The message there will help you remember to believe in your sohotrightnow-ness. It will also block all view of your actual reflection, which (in my case) is a good thing.
The heating’s on full blast at work and I’m sohotrightnow…
Yes, NDM, you were sohotrightthen (you were talking to me walking home AND Facebook-friending simultaneously? Who knew?). But if it wasn’t for that “boxing” answer we could have been 2nd.
Teamspeedz!
And if it wasn’t for the “Winona Ryder” answer, we would have come first?
TEAMSPEEEDZ!
I too would like to be SoHotRightNow. And as it happens, our school is having a trivia night soon. Perhaps you could donate your Team Pee shirt for the cause, champagne-stained and all? Or even better, you could crash our night, join OUR team and help us all be SoHotRightNow. Pee on sister …
Uh, I slept in my TEAM PEE tshirt and woke in the morning to find it was just AM PEE. Which was a timely reminder to do my morning micturation.
After that, I stripped off all remaining masking tape and made it into a ball. It’s at the bottom of our SULO bin now. Want me to donate that?
Well those who were *apparently* not good enough to get on the ‘prized’ table of TheNDM had to judge her hotness from a far, so it is *maybe* possible their judgement was impaired by distance, or something 😉
Who wouldn’t bump Pete Campbell, given half a chance?
Anyway, how many times do I have to tell you ‘other table’ people that being on a team that doesn’t include me is a *good* thing. Indeed, the time I came over to your table and crushed a Monte Carlo biscuit with my bare hand, scattering the crumbs everywhere (including Uncle B’s drink), is evidence enough of that.
I think Pete Campbell (*shudder*) has a point. Being bumped to the “other table” did make it difficult to verify whether you really were sohotrightnow. But I guess the simple fact of not being worthy of a seat at your table could be evidence enough.
But you, yourself, were sohotrightthen, LSK! Trying to assess my levels of sohotrightnow-ness would be like assessing how strong one torch was by shining another torch at it. It’s a torch-off!
NDM, you’re so lucky to have had one or two *sohotrightnow* moments. I can’t even get to the lukewarm stage. Maybe I should get pissed more often, and become self delusional. {Not that I’m suggesting you’re self delusional}. No Sireee, ma’am! 🙂
A few seasons ago ‘lukewarm’ was sohot. But not now. Now it’s just tepid.
I think when I’ve had a few drinks I see the truth, fendy – albeit a truth that is a little fuzzy around the edges…
I see a TEAMSPEEEDZ2 shirt in your future. My husband works at a school, wondering if I can work some kind of TEAMSPEEEDZ tribute act into the next quiz night.
A TEAM SPEEEDZ tribute act? That is fantastic!!
The very idea warms my already-quite-hot-enough-heart to the point of spontaneous combustion.
Kerpow!
As someone who once formed half of a quiz team called the Deranged (F)emails at a pub where we might have hoped to meet chaps, I can safely say it gets…
I was going to say worse…
Then I reread the school bit of the post.
And, nope. Definitely marginally better.
Well, possibly.
Fine work, lady. Sohotrightnow…
Deranged (F)emails? You’ve got to love a team name that has one of its letters in parentheses. TEAM SPEEEDZ really should have been TEAM SPE(E)EDZ and been just that one step closer to perfection…
TeamSpeed(zzz).
Even more perfect… It kind of says it all don’t you think?
And this marketing survey of yours has eluded to the possibility of a world-wide franchise!
Can I be on your quiz team?
Hey your shirt was sohotrightnow!
And thats all there was to it!
How the hell did I miss this post? CLASSIC.
Are you selling those shirts in the States yet? (the Team Pee ones, not the original version)