Going to the Cox Plate with the Mild-Mannered Lawyer has become an annual event. It’s pretty easy for something to become an annual event, you know. You do it one year and then the following year you do it again. As they say in the classics: “Too easy!”
Last year, we were living the high life in the Members area. It was all champagne-in-glass-bottles and gourmet sausages. This year, however, we were slummin’ it in General Admission with sparkling-wine-in-plastic-bottles and rolls from “The Meat Shop”.
“Doesn’t he know who I am!” I told the MML when I heard her usual contact hadn’t been able to get us Member passes.
Indeed, when we first arrived in all our races finery, I remarked “There’s a man in skinny jeans and a ‘HEAPS COOL’ t-shirt. I clearly don’t belong here. For one thing, ‘HEAPS COOL’ is grammatically incorrect and I’m a writer, you know…”
I was also growing increasingly angry at the number of doorways we couldn’t enter because of our non-Member status. I vowed that, once we’d drunk our next bottle of champagne, I’d march up to the information counter and ask them if we, ‘The People’, would still be denied entry to the Members’ area in the event of a fire.
Of course, by the time the next bottle of champagne had been drunk, I was past caring and, in fact, had decided that General Admission was as good as Members – if not better.
For one thing, while the General Admission (GA) area was a little short on toilets and has limited access to the track (“Horses? What horses?”), at least we could sit unchallenged in a stairwell. In Members the previous year, we had found ourselves trapped in a World of No. We were always being stopped by officials for transgressing Members rules: no alcohol in lifts, no glass bottles in the stands, no napping under tables…
Also, the GA area had an AGE VERIFICATION tent where you could go up and get a little wristband allowing you to buy alcohol unchallenged. It gave me the opportunity to run up to to the bewildered Age Verification staff and blurt out “I’m – tee hee hee – turning 40 – tee hee hee – and my friend’s taking a photo – tee hee hee.”
Unfortunately, I couldn’t get an age verification wristband because I didn’t have my ID on me. I thought that was a good enough indication that I still looked under 18. Yep, that’s totally it.
Indeed, later, a jolly (=drunk) guy beckoned me over. That never happened to me in Members.
“You’re a bit geeky-looking, but you’re nice,” he said, rather generously.
“Aw, bless!” I said, patting him on his arm. “You know, mate? I hate to break it to you but I’ve got three kids and I’m turning 40 in less than two weeks.”
“Well, I’m 26 and I’m raring to go!” he replied, with some enthusiasm.
He really was very drunk, but at least he wasn’t wearing a fluorescent suit. Which is more than you could say for a lot of the GA crowd.
You see, one of the best things about the GA area was the number of men who laughed in the face of fashion and good taste. And I discovered that one of the best things about iPhones is that you can look like you’re checking your messages but secretly you can be taking photos of young men in startlingly coloured clothing, like some kind of Germaine Greer-inspired pervy-pants cougar person.
In fact, I ended up taking so many pictures that I started a segment called ‘Suit Of The Day’ on twitter. It had a theme song and everything – although its genius was somewhat lost in a text and photo based format. It went: “Suit of the day, suit of the day, suit of the day… Suit of the day!” (I recommend you sing it as you look at the following pictures. Truly, it will enhance your viewing pleasure.)
“Next year, I’m doing ‘Shoe Of The Day’,” I told the MML a little drunkenly, as we waited for the bus to go home. “I don’t want to become typecast as the ‘Suit Girl’. I might even do ‘Shih-Tzu Of The Day’!”
Although there’s not a lot of Shih-Tzus at the races, granted. But who knows? Maybe next year, I could galvanise The People to rise up in protest to allow the Shih-Tzus of the world admission to the races, even if they are mostly owned by the Members.
You see, that’s the best thing about annual events. There’s always the promise of next year…
Yowzers! Mr Oranjeboom seems to have snuck into the Members area and secreted a gourmet sausage in his pocket…or was he just pleased to see you?
You put it much more wittily than I did on twitter, KC. I think I wrote something like “Is that an erection in your pocket or are you just drunk?”.
You know I think you are a genius right. And like I totally am in love with you yes? Ok. Just checking.
Aw shucks.
Interestingly enough, “Genius” is an anagram of ‘sueing’, which – in turn – is a misspelling of ‘suing’.
Does this mean you love me so much that you are going to sue me?
That’s what all my readers say…
Oh my god you weren’t kidding with the suits- where do you live? Las Vegas???
Ironically, I live in Melbourne, where the predominant colour worn is black. All you really have to do to stand out in a crowd is wear a charcoal-coloured suit…
I think ‘I Can Sing a Rainbow,’ would have worked equally well, gads, I had to grab my sunnies just to cope with the glare reflecting off that yellow number. Fellow Scorpian, you never fail to deliver, thanks for laugh.
The tragic thing about that photo of the yellow outfit is that I didn’t manage to capture the fact he had a matching umbrella in exactly the same shade of in-yer-face yellow.
It would have Blown. Your. Mind.
26 and raring to go! You’ve still got it NDM, (even if you are a bit geeky)!
PS He wasnt in the powder blue safari suit, was he?
No, he wasn’t. I’m not sure whether to add the word “Unfortunately” or the word “Fortunately” to that statement.
Yes, I’ve still got “it” – “it” being whatever 26 year olds see when they’re that drunk. (Answer = not much).
The best thing about the incident was, as the MML and I walked away, the guy’s slightly less-drunk friend (wearing a muscle t-shirt) winked at me and said “Have a great day”, like him winking at me made my day great.
Scorpian ? Scorpion ? Oh whatever, would you believe I haven’t even had a glass of sparkling wine in a plastic cup yet ?
Since it’s now 12 hours later, I’m hoping you’ve rectified that appalling situation, my Scorpiozzzz friend.
*stares* I’m all for people dressing adventurously, but ow, those colours!
Ow, indeed. Those colours are more ‘reckless’ than ‘adventurous’ and may have caused one or two traffic accidents while just walking home.
Yes, is that a sausage in the orange man’s pocket, or is he just pleased to have his photo secretly taken by you?
And you actually had a younger man hit on you. Cougar Time!
Cougar Time, indeed!
Is ‘Cougar Time’ a bit like ‘Hammer Time’ where I get to ‘break it down’ wearing a pair of oversized trousers? I hope so.
NDM, thiz mae beee a littl dodgy spelling wize, butt I’m suffeing from a seerd rettinnna due to those Technicolour {TM} outfits. I shudder to evun mentiun suits in the same post. I’m scarred fur life……..
… and you’re running right out to get yourself a little tangerine number, right?
Err, no. I don’t even like horses. I’d sooner read Julia Gillard’s recipe book, than watch a bunch of nags running round in circles……….
mmwahaha sounds like fun!
It was a lot of fun – which is just as well, because the MML and I’s plan to bankroll my 40th birthday party with our winnings didn’t quite come to plan. I won $3.95 – which is made even less impressive when you consider that came from $4.00 worth of bets…
I’m off to derby day – will be on the look out for suits that rival those!! eeek! Thankfully though I suspect I’m fairly safe from the 26 and raring to go boys…(yikes)
Watch out after Race 6. That’s when everyone gets ‘frisky’ (another word for ‘drunk’).
Also, take sunglasses…
Couldn’t find any really decent suits 😦 (I suspect it was because I wasn’t in general admission!). But I did the best I could with what I had (oh, and not a frisky lad in sight…sigh) You can check out my post if you get a mo (not that I can ‘turn a phrase’ quite like you!!)
http://keepcatebusy.blogspot.com/2010/10/day-31-hooray-for-horses-hats-and-happy.html
A friend of mine turned up in a red suit like that for an event. It has been known as his Murray Wiggle suit from that moment forth. He will never live down his ‘fashion forward’ moment.
Oh, Mr Orange- they don’t call it the Cox Plate for nothing.
I often find General Admission sections of events MUCH more fun than the VIP sections. I mean, really, who do you find more interesting:
a) Intoxicated Riff-Raff with nothing to lose?
b) Botoxed More-Important-Than-Thou’s Daintily sipping watered down martinis trying not to ruin their reputation?
I am very happy for you for getting hit on by someone born in 1984. That’s quite impressive!
Last time we went, which was, admittedly, quite some time ago and the Visible Panty Line was all the rage – technically, it was avoidance of the VPL back then – we saw a penis.
Yes, some (male) Perthites decided to avoid the VPL then prove it to us.
Its the Melbournites with the flouro suit fashion sense. Glad to see that tradition remains …
Did you has fun???
How bloody funny. Firstly, I love that a 26 yo hit on you. That is ACE!
Secondly, where does one buy such a garish suit? Hope you were wearing Blue Blockers.
Sounds like a hoot!
There’s a place at the end of Brunswick or Nicholson Street, near Alexandra Parade … is that Fitzroy there?/
Whatever – you can get them there 🙂
NDM
I trust you have seen my ‘What the eye sees…’ series dedicated to my fellow tube commuters in London town? No?
Yes?
Whatever. Next time I am in Oz (sooner than you may think) we are going a-stalking together.
Even if I have to drag you out on a leash.
LCM x
Hilarious suits ! Are you sure you didn’t stumble onto a Pimps Convention by accident lol??