Even though I’m now 40, I still take an active interest in what the Young People are doing and saying. Yes, I’m staying hip to the beat of the youth on the street.
Thanks to my dear friend KT, who maintains contact with the teenage world, I recently discovered the mot de jour is ‘Awks’, a derivative of the word ‘awkward’. And when something is, like, TOTALLY awkward, it becomes ‘Awks Giraffe’. There is a hand gesture and everything (and I think we all know how much I love my hand gestures) which is like the old “one potato, two potato, three potato, four!” routine, but with the antlers of the giraffe poking up at the end. Tidy.
Of course the greatest thing about the gesture for ‘Awks Giraffe’ is in itself ‘awks giraffe’ because when you do it, people tend to stare at you as if to say WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? It’s awkward for everybody and that’s so hotrightnow.
Anyhoo, it’s fair to say I have filled my life with awks giraffe moments, even if I didn’t always have the phrase (and the accompanying gesture) to express it as such.
Like the time my sister Belle got up at my ‘Champagne & Cereal’ 21st birthday party and, in her speech, described how the thirteen year old me used to get her to tie me to the bed and whip me with shoe laces.
“But you don’t understand!” I shouted out, in my defence. “I was the slave and she was the master!”
Which just added to the whole awks giraffe-ness of it all – well, for me, anyway since my party guests were laughing so hard they were blowing Froot Loops out of their noses.
(Of course, what I should have said was all I wanted to do as a thirteen year old was lie around in bed and daydream about boys, so I devised games to play with my sister which allowed me to do just that. The very same principle applied to the other game where I’d pretend to be ‘Googie the big baby’ but let’s not go into that right now.)
And then there was the time the kids’ Foreign Language Teacher was raising money for a primary school in Chile and every announcement he made about it at school assembly made me go weak at the knees because he didn’t pronounce it ‘Chilly’ like the average Australian but instead said it ‘Chil-ay’ like he was pouring warm honey directly on my soul. And then when I brought cakes in for The Pixie’s birthday and ended up hanging out with her at lunch time, we saw the Foreign Language Teacher in the playground and he remarked “Oh, Pixie! I see you have someone special with you today!” and I smiled shyly and said “Great work with the Chile fundraising!”, only to have The Pixie tell me a few minutes later that she’d told the teacher that very morning that “My mummy likes it when you say ‘Chil-ay’!!!”.
And then just the other afternoon, I discovered, during a particularly heavy rain shower, that the front windscreen of the car had a leak in it so that every time I turned a corner, a puddle of ice cold water fell into my lap and I ended up having to pick up some kids from a birthday party looking like I’d completely pissed my pants.
And then there was the time I didn’t know how to finish this post, so I set up a YouTube channel just so I could post this (soundless) video:
Yep: A dot G dot.