Every now and then I write something which I think is so funny that I have to pause my typing because I’m laughing so hard.
Generally speaking, however, I am the only person on the planet to find those things funny.
The other day, my husband (who, as some of you may remember, never laughs at my jokes) was spending some quality time tuning his Other Woman (also known as his motorbike) when I approached, chuckling heartily to myself.
Our subsequent conversation went something like this:
ME: I just wrote something really funny on facebook!
HIM: Really? That’s nice.
ME: Yeah it really was really really funny. No, really. You see, I wrote something about the humid weather in one of my status updates and [The Mild-Mannered Lawyer] made some reference to that Nelly song about how it’s “getting hot in herre” and I was all, like, “so take off all your clothes”.
HIM: Yeah, that’s really funny.
ME: No, no, no, no. That’s not the funny bit! I haven’t got to it yet! Anyway, so then somebody else said something about how someone must have brought the weather from Sydney and, you see, that’s EXACTLY what Mr Justice accused me of that morning. Of taking the weather with me from Sydney. You know, because I just came back from Sydney.
HIM: Yep.
ME: And then The Mild-Mannered Lawyer – obviously in her capacity as my legal counsel – advised me that Mr Justice was plagiarising Crowded House lyrics…
HIM: (eyes glazing over) Uh huh.
ME: So I said – and this is the funny part right here – I said that Neil Finn should either sue or get together with Nelly and write a song called ‘Everywhere you go, you always take off all your clothes’ !!!!!
HIM: And?
ME: That’s the funny thing I wrote. ‘Everywhere you go, you always take off all your clothes!’.
HIM: (gives blank look)
ME: You know, because of that Crowded House song that goes ‘Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you’. And because Nelly tells everyone to take off all their clothes – although, technically, nobody actually does take off all their clothes in the film clip, just a few superfluous top layers. Although I expect ‘take off a few superfluous top layers’ didn’t scan quite as well. Not that ‘take off all your clothes’ scans that well anyway because, let’s face it, it doesn’t even rhyme and it should be something like ‘So take off all your gear’ or ‘Let’s drink our body weight in beer’. Although you’d have to spell ‘gear’ and ‘beer’ with a double RR, you know, to be consistent with his creative spelling of ‘herre’, which I’ve always thought could also be an alternative spelling of ‘hair’ and, for reasons I can’t quite explain right now, makes me think of a bunch of heavily bearded guys in leathers dancing around in a nightclub where the roof is on fire. And no, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, either.
[Long silence]
HIM: Oh. Okay. I’m glad you had a nice time on your Facebook. [Turns back to his motorbike].
Look, if my husband just bothered to accept my facebook friendship request – or, indeed, even joined Facebook – he’d see just how funny I was, like, ALL THE TIME and he’d be writing “Good one! LOLZZZZ!!! :-D” all over my damn wall. Don’t I know it.
OMG…..LOLZZZZ!!!!
You’re goddamn funny herre there and everywhere….see? See what I did there??
I saw what you did… but you weren’t consistent, Thea! It should have been “herre, therre and everrywherre”…
I know you have Recurring Dreams about the issue which is Something So Strong to you, just trust your Instinct. Don’t Dream It’s Over, when he realises your Not The Girl You Think You Are Think, that Woodface of his, when you feel all Locked Out, will be gone and instead he’ll Fall At Your Feet. * cue Nelly song *
Oh, you are so clever.
As an aside: I’ve always had trouble with ‘Woodface’ as a song/album title – is it just me or does anyone else think it’s a euphemism for ‘cum face’? I’m thinking the porno industry ‘woodsman’ and of the delightful expression ‘I’ve got wood!!’.
And yes, I started laughing out loud just before I typed the words “cum face”.
I would have laughed. But then again, I laugh a lot at the stuff I write around town and if my husband is sitting near me, will ask me what I’m laughing at. I’ll tell him and unless I can adequately show him some variation of a guy running into a glass wall and knocking himself out on youtube, he just doesn’t get it. Farney stuff NDM
For one terrible moment, Bern, I thought you had accused me of “Farnsey stuff”… you know, trying to make a come back minutes after my last farewell tour…
LOL I’m always trying to tell M about funny stuff I read or write on Twitter – he always gives me that blank look followed by “I guess I had to be there, right?” They are so missing out on some very funny stuff!
Annieb, I’m afraid most of what happens on twitter should stay on twitter. It’s the classic ‘location joke’ situation – you really have to be there… Luckily, most of us funny people are mostly there 24/7.
Ok, so like I go and tell Mr Woog (who is also in the garage stroking his motorbike) “I wrote something on the blog that is hilarious….. ” and he will read it and say “Did you really want the world to know about you doing a shit?”
Then go back to his motorbike. He is also not on Facebook.
Oh, I feel your pain. My husband doesn’t read my blog any more. I think he’s scared of what I’m sharing with the world ever since he saw some photos I’d taken of a Vegie Porn Star (= porn star made of vegetables) that I’d turned into a “lactating asian babe” with the help of some yoghurt. True story. For the record, I never published those photos.
Some things are only funny on FB. And only sometimes. And only when you’ve had a glass of wine, or are sleep deprived, or have heat stroke, or…
Thanks for making me laugh!
I don’t think there’s been a time in the last eight and a half years where I haven’t been either drunk, sleep-deprived or suffering from heat exhaustion… No wonder I think I’m so funny.
my husband … also not on Facebook
in fact, does not have an email address ~
…or a mobile phone.
Luckily for me, he is always easy to find, in his shed!
Ah, yes. My Luddite husband also spends a lot of time in his shed. I don’t know what is out there but I suspect it’s something to do with powertools and porn.
I would definitely have laughed… but then I laugh at most things. One time I nearly fell of my chair I was laughing so hard at something a colleague had said about his dead dog and he wasn’t even trying to be funny. And, yeah, it was definitely getting hot in therre. x
Nothing like supporting a work colleague through a hardtime… from your position on the floor where you’ve just fallen from laughing so much.
You’re my kind of gal, Maxabella!
I told my hubby about someone we knew on facebook – which he also isn’t on – and I find him half an hour later looking at YouTube.
Then yelling at me “Where’s the thing about that person?!”
*sigh*
Probably best your hubby remains off there. I suspect he quite obviously has no sense of humour and wouldn’t indulge you on FB even if he thought it was hilarious.
Also, he may steal your funny bits and post them on his own status and CLAIM THEM AS HIS OWN! Because you are #sohotrightnow and he want’s in on that.
Yup.
You raise some very valid points there, Mad Cow.
It’d be just like him to try and enter some kind of ‘funny-off’ situation on facebook. He’s always claiming he’s the funny one in our relationship but it’s only because I write him funny. Fact.
Cyberguy and I have agreed to keep our virtual worlds separate. It’s for the best. Trust me. We have two FB friends in common, and even that makes me a little nervous.
My husband claims that if he were to ever set up a facebook profile, there is only one person he’d make his friend. Since I’m already friends with that person, there’d definitely be a conflict of interest there…
Either my husband practices a blank “yeah, whatever” look in the mirror, or he also simply doesn’t get all the really amazingly hilarious stuff I write online. Or the hilarious stuff written by other people which I try to share with him because any normal person would want to have their day brightened by such a witty turn of phrase or amusing pun.
I think his mother may have dropped him on his head as a baby and it has stunted the growth of his sense of humour. I have abandoned him as a lost cause and am now simply working on developing a better appreciation of funny in my children.
Your strategy is a sound one, Susan. I, too, am teaching my children that “mummy is the funny one”.
So funny. I can relate. I tell Now Husband Dan funny things I’ve said that completely crack people up and he just looks at me and says “Uh huh.”
These menfolk of ours need to open their minds and hearts to our funnies, right?
NDM, your husband is a wise man. His bike obviously keeps him sane. You have to have SOME balance in your house……..Uh huh.
You say that Fendy… and yet you return to my blog again and again for my sparkling wit and refreshing turn of phrase. UNLIKE MY CURMUDGEONLY HUSBAND.
NDM, I too was sane when I started reading your blog . Alas, I feel my sanity slipping away. Thank God for Twitter. We’re all sensible and erudite, there…….
I am laughing, but I also think I am funny. Others do to but not in the funny sort of way, in the funny funny sort of way. See I’m laughing now, but probably the only one 🙂
See? Actually funny people find other people funny. My husband, however, thinks he’s the ONLY funny person ’round these here parts. It’s a clear sign that he’s not funny at all, right?
I remind my husband All The Time how lucky he is to live with someone so farking funny 24/7. He simply smiles, pats me on the head and walks away slowly.
Good one! LOLZZZZ!!!
Mr and I have these conversations all the time I tell him how funny I am and he just looks at me as if to say ‘ok dear’ xx
NDM, have you read JPod by Douglas Coupland? If not, you MUST read it. Your so-called-husband is a regular Kam Fong….
Pity poor men, who laugh only half as much as we women, because they can’t enjoy our jokes!
Men want to be the funny ones, because they fear they don’t have many other uses left. So they install this anti-funny filter in their ears (kinda like a babel fish) to make all womankind’s jokes seem unfunny.
As Elizabeth Farrelly wrote in today’s SMH: “Boys … need to impress, rather than be impressed.”
http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/challenge-for-feminism-to-find-an-honourable-role-for-men-20110223-1b5ia.html
Also see Maureen Dowd “Are Men Necessary?”
How could he not appreciate your sense of humor? You’re hilarious!
You used the word superfluous.
AND your husband just does not get your absolute hilarity and clearly does not appreciate living with the funniest comedienne since Phylis Diller.
For this we must be soul mates.