All the world’s a bumper sticker. At least that’s how it feels at the moment.
Recently, my husband and I were driving and we came to one of those intersections where all three lanes of traffic had no choice but to turn left. I put on my indicator and couldn’t help but notice the other cars who weren’t indicating.
“I hate it when cars don’t indicate,” I said. “It’s like they assume I know that they are just going to follow the road rules and turn left. For all I know, they could be intending to go straight – illegally, mind you… Where’s their sense of community? Their pride of being part of a left-turning group, all indicating their left-turningness together?”
“Does it make you angry?” my husband asked.
“No, it saddens me,” I said. “It makes me feel… alone.”
“That’s very interesting,” he remarked. “I have often wondered what other people thought of my failure to indicate at intersections such as these.”
(By ‘often’, I think we can all assume my husband meant ‘I’m actually only thinking about this at this very moment since you happen to have raised it as a topic of conversation’. Still, I appreciated the fact he was feigning an interest.)
“Well, now you know,” I replied. “You make people like me sad.”
“And I expect you find it a bit of a turn off,” he observed.
“Yes. Yes, I do,” I mused although I should now stress that I wouldn’t necessarily be hot for someone simply because they DID indicate.
We then discussed a bumper sticker awareness program I could start. Some initial ideas included:
TURN ON (YOUR INDICATOR) AND TURN ON (ME).
TURN OFF YOUR TURN OFF AND TURN ON YOUR INDICATOR.
YOU TURN ME OFF WHEN YOU FAIL TO TURN ON: INDICATE.
or even
INDICATE, ARSE-CLOWN.
Interestingly enough, the other day when my youngest son took an unscheduled toilet break behind the park bench my husband and I were sitting on, my husband came up with his own bumper sticker awareness program for his MEP (Minimum Effort Parenting) style. The bumper sticker will apparently read:
IF YOU CAN’T SEE THEM, YOU’RE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM.
I argued that it probably should read “IF YOU CAN’T SEE THEM, YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT BEING RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH FOR THEM” but he thought that was too wordy.
Bumper sticker awareness programs? Yep, that’s what my life has come to. Somewhere along the way, somebody – quite possibly me – has obviously failed to indicate. Arse clown.
I hate when people fail to indicate.
And I am sure there is good money in bumperstickers. If there wasn’t, then why have so many? I think you might have found your calling.
This entire post was so witty, it had me chuckling the whole time. I particularly am fond of your husband’s label for his parenting style. I do believe my husband has the same philosophy. Funny stuff!!
I am a big fan of MEP. I try very hard not to see my kids. Indicating in an all turning lane? Meh… I do love bumper stickers, though, even had my own printed – “I’d rather be blogging!”
This is the #2 thing I yell at people from the windows-up confines of my car about (#1 is reading emails while driving…don’t get me started). I mean, really, is it THAT HARD to flick that little indicator stick? Really??
Gah. I need you to open a bumper sticker business effective immediately. Just make sure you ship to the US, please.
I want the MEP! That is all #MinimumEffortCommenting
I’m hardwired to indicate. I indicate everywhere, even on private property. It’s easier! Surely?
It drives me nuts when people don’t indicate. It makes me feel not so much alone as extremely angry. It is indicative to me of the ‘work around me, I’m important’ attitude that seems to permeate so much of daily life today. I think my bumper sticker would read:
“If you don’t indicate, you’re a FLASHING idiot.”
I may need to work on this.
agree. I’ve been known to indicate when the road is just veering off a little and it’s not even required. I’ve also been known to scream ‘indicate dickhead!’ at many a roundabout. Funny stuff miss ndm xx
A failure to indicate pisses me off so much that when my “non-indicating” husband is driving I reach over and turn the indicator on for him while sneering “what do you think other motorists can read your mind like me? I don’t think so”.
Hilarious again x
Even more annoying, my husband starts to indicate WHILE HE IS TURNING! You can see by the capitals how I feel about this.
THE worst non indicating is when the innocent, perfect party (me) is waiting at a T junction (a stop sign or give way sign) and the non indicator in question is driving along with right of way but is ACTUALLY going to turn off the road before reaching where I am so my waiting is WASTED. Those non indicators don’t even realise the implications of their failure to properly notify of their next move. The main implication being that it makes me cross. Losers.
I feel exactly the same way, exciting drivers I call non-indicators. I flicked the indicator on the other day whilst MrPt was driving in the same situation you were in above. He switched it off explaining that if ywe’re already in the turning lane it is obvious that you are turning and having your indicator on told the other drivers that you wanted to change lanes AND go around the corner.. now I’m left REALLY confused but thats ok with the red P plates on no one expects me to knwo what I’m doing anyway! xxpt
we recently followed a car that indicated at every right turn he (yes, he) failed to take, then failed to indicate at the right turn he DID take … my kids surmised it was opposites day, which was as reasonable an explanation as any.
ARSE CLOWN is also a perfectly reasonable explanation … xt
NDM, in this household, we call ’em FENDER stickers. just sayin’…… 😉
Stay gold, NDM. Whatever turn you take.
Hilarious! MEP – genius. So glad to have you back NDM x
I recently thought: “NO, PEOPLE, do NOT indicate! How else am I supposed to hone my ESP without dumb-arses like you…”
So really, they’re providing a service whilst they’re pissing us off. And it serves to also remind us that really, pretty much everyone is an idiot when on the road. Good safety advice.
I have recently found out my husband could be a non-indicator.
The other day he asked me in his best condescending voice “why are you indicating now?” after I indicated left when exiting a roundabout.
I informed him “aah… that would be because it’s the road rules!!” I should have ended with “arse-clown!”
I have been known to mindlessly indicate whilst negotiating the hairpin bends on Old Bathurst Road ….. OMG sad, I know!
MEP is the only way forward!
Love it.
Sticker idea: DIRT KEEPS CHILDREN WARM, AND IT’S FREE