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Posts Tagged ‘astronauts’

I’ve always thought it completely unfair that I’ve gone straight from puberty to old age. Who would have thought that when the pimples finally started to clear that there would be all these wrinkles lying in wait underneath? But apparently, according to a skin care sales rep I once had the pleasure to meet, there’s even worse to come under all that. 

A few years ago, I went to one of those “Party Plan” events  – you know the type: where you get to eat, drink, make merry and be sold stuff in someone else’s home. This particular event was for a skin care line and, to show us how much we needed her product, the sales rep led us one by one into another room. There we were invited to gaze upon our reflections using her Very Special Machine, which basically was just a mirror and some UV lights. Although I shouldn’t dismiss the machine so easily because, as the rep told us, it used NASA technology. So how exactly are UV lights used by NASA in space? My guess is that astronauts are just like housewives in laundry liquid commercials: they want their whites to look much whiter. And let’s face it, it must be pretty damn dark out there in space so they need all the help they can get.

An aside: I must admit I love it when any product advertised on late night television claims to use NASA technology. I sit there waiting, waiting, waiting until… Yes! They roll out the stock footage of the NASA rocket blasting into space… Aaahhh. It’s truly the money shot of the infomercial world. But honestly, whether the rocket blast actually lends the product any credibility or not is neither here nor there: it’s the astronauts I worry about. It’s little wonder all those space shuttles keep falling out of the sky because their scientists are just too busy working on breakthroughs in skin care or inflatable mattresses. The safety of the astronauts should come first, surely. Although then again, even the astronauts would have to agree that you can’t put a price on flawless skin or a good night’s sleep – so perhaps NASA’s got their priorities straight after all.

Anyway, back to what I saw in the Magic Mirror – all I can say is that I did not like one little bit. Oh no siree. Apparently what I was seeing was what was lurking under the skin’s surface. And, as the sales rep told me, if I didn’t start looking after my skin properly, all those things would come to the surface within 5 years. All of them. 

Great! I thought. By the time I turn 40, I’ll look like I have leprosy. But then again, beggars, loonies on the bus and Mormons would most likely start giving me a wider berth… surely that couldn’t be such a bad thing…

But before I was allowed to get too excited about my bright new future, the sales rep assured me that there *was* hope for my complexion. In the most surprising revelation of all, she went on to tell me that I could avoid this fate simply by using their product! Who could have guessed that’s where all that was leading? I can’t remember how I got out of buying anything – I’d like to think it was in the same manner in which I dealt with the Scientologists (see “Parking Pride“) but I probably just begged poor and let the next person in line get to see their future.

As it turned out, the next person was my friend HT who got pretty much the same schtick – but she also was told, somewhat sternly “You are already looking beyond your years.”

HT, being of a gutsy disposition, wasn’t going to let the rep get away with that very easily. “And how old do you think I am?” she asked. 

“Umm…. Mid-30s?” was the sales rep’s guess.

HT was 43. So could it be that perhaps that machine wasn’t up to much after all? Just in case, we should all start praying for the next lot of astronauts to be launched into space, who are not only putting their lives at risk, but are very probably spotty and sleep-deprived to boot.

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