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Posts Tagged ‘birthday party’

The main purpose of the sleepover party is to take a group of children, get them high on sugar and hysterical through lack of sleep, and then release them back into the community.

The following documents my eight year old son’s recent sleepover party using the medium of ‘Twitter’. The tweets are fictitious but the events are (mostly) real.

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Keeping son’s party simple this year. No themes. No home-made pinatas. No party games. Just a few friends for bowling, tacos & sleepover.
1:03 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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My husband just left for bowling with five 8 year olds. I don’t think either of us realised what that actually meant until he was leaving.
2:47 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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Yep. I can see I’ve made the right choice for my son’s party this year. I can say this mostly because I’m not actually at it yet.
3:46 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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Husband has returned from bowling a mere shadow of his former pre-bowling self. He’s headed straight for the whisky.
5:15 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Husband has prised his lips away from the whisky bottle long enough to mutter something about letting the boys drink Coke. Oh, the humanity!
5:55 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Boys having punch-ups over custody of the Wii controller. That’d be the Coke talking, husband dear.
6:16 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Just read that my friend @bolshymum is having 4 kids under 6 sleep over. I have 7 under 9. We’re having a sleepover-off. Who will win?
6:48 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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Apparently @bolshymum is already onto her second vodka. I, however, am competing without the aid of alcohol due to medical reasons.
6:52 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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Stupid medical reasons.
6:53 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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.@bolshymum is claiming the first to get kids to bed is winner of sleepover-off. I’m looking at it more as an endurance event.
7:25 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Still, how reasonable is it for me to expect to get the kids into bed and asleep by 7:30 considering we haven’t had cake yet?
7:26 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Here is the cake. Somewhat eerily, it also depicts how I will look tomorrow.


8:02 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Kids now watching a movie. Bedtime seems another lifetime away.
8:14 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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News in that @bolshymum’s kids are all asleep. I expect she, herself, is about to pass out drunk. Ha! What a soft cock.
8:26 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Just told my husband if we’d had a ‘normal’ party, it’d have finished 5 hours ago. It’s not nice to see a grown man weep like that.
9:38 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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At least someone is tucked up asleep in bed, even if it’s just my husband.
9:49 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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Movie finally finished. Kids running around screaming. I’ve left my husband’s empty whisky bottle in charge and am hiding in the toilet.
10:01 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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If I had a video camera rather than this iPhone, this would totally be my Blair Witch moment. I’m so scared. We’re going to die…
10:04 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone
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Sorted! What a marvelous invention the sleeping bag is! I’ve zipped all the boys in. They might still be shouting but at least they can’t move.
10:48 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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What’s that noise? Oh god. It’s some one telling jokes. At 5:45am. Isn’t there something in the Geneva Convention to prevent this kind of thing?
5:45 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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Husband just asked if I was awake. I pretended to be dead.
5:56 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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2.5 hours to go. I am busy putting everyone’s belongings beside the door to make myself feel better.
7:28 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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I told the parents 10AM. TEN. A. M. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY?
10:01 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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Son just thanked me for the Best. Party. Ever. I guess it wasn’t so bad. Of course, I can say this now that everyone’s gone home.
11:32 AM Aug 29th via Tweetdeck

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My husband just left for bowling with five 8yo. I don’t think it struck either of us what that would mean until he actually was leaving.
2:45 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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The last thing my husband said before he left was something about letting the boys drink Coke. Oh, the humanity!
2:47 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Husband has returned from bowling a mere shadow of his former pre-bowling self. He’s headed straight for the whiskey.
5:32 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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The boys are now punching each other up over custody of the Wii controllers. That’d be the Coke talking.
6:37 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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I have made an important discovery: the easiest way to diffuse conflict between 8yo boys is to accuse someone in the room of farting.
7:56 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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My friend @bolshymum has apparently got 4 kids under 6. I’ve got 7 under 9. We’re now having a sleepover-off. Who will win?
6:55 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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How reasonable is it for me to expect to have all seven kids asleep by 7:30 since we haven’t even had cake yet?
7:25 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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That @bolshymum is onto her 2nd vodka. I can’t drink because the antibiotics I’m on will make me chuck.
6:58 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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Just realised that if we’d had a ‘normal’ birthday party, it would have finished 3 hours ago. Vodka’s looking good right now, vomit and all.
7:30 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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This was the birthday cake. It is also an eerie prediction of how I will look tomorrow.

7:42 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Now @bolshymum is claiming the winner of the sleepover-off is the 1st to get kids to bed. I’m thinking of it as more of an endurance event.
7:48 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Kids now watching a movie featuring Lucius Verenus and Diver Dan as Greek Gods. Bedtime seems another life time away.
8:02 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Movie is violent AND scary. Kids will be up all night either whacking each other with sticks or freaked out of their skulls.
8:14 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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News in that @bolshymum’s kids are all asleep. Everyone here still wired on coke. My husband has slunk off to bed with the whisky.
8:46 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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One 8yo has gone home. I had a tear in my eye as he left. I wanted to go with him.
9:48 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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Movie finished. Kids releasing pent-up energy by running and shouting. A lot. I’m hiding in the toilet.
10:02 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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The sleeping bag is a marvelous invention. I’ve zipped all the boys up. They might still be shouting but at least they can’t move.
10:28 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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What’s that noise? Oh god. It’s some one telling jokes. At 5:45am. Isn’t the Geneva Convention supposed to prevent this kind of thing?
5:45 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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Husband just asked if I was awake. I pretended to be dead.
5:56 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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2.5 hours to go. I am busy putting everyone’s belongings beside the door to make myself feel better.
7:28 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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I told the parents 10AM. TEN. A. M. Where are they? WHERE ARE THEY?
10:01 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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All guests have gone. The shouting has stopped. Let the over-tired sobbing begin, starting with…. me.
10:35 AM Aug 29th via Tweetdeck

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Daughter just asked if she could have a sleepover for 10 of her closest friends on her 6th birthday. I can’t stop shaking.
11:32 AM Aug 29th via Tweetdeck

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Daughter just asked to have sleepover for her 6th birthday. I can’t stop shaking.
2:45 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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My husband just left for bowling with five 8yo. I don’t think it struck either of us what that would mean until he actually was leaving.
2:45 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

____________________________________________________________

The last thing my husband said before he left was something about letting the boys drink Coke. Oh, the humanity!
2:47 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

____________________________________________________________

Husband has returned from bowling a mere shadow of his former pre-bowling self. He’s headed straight for the whiskey.
5:32 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

____________________________________________________________

The boys are now punching each other up over custody of the Wii controllers. That’d be the Coke talking.
6:37 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

____________________________________________________________

I have made an important discovery: the easiest way to diffuse conflict between 8yo boys is to accuse someone in the room of farting.
7:56 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

____________________________________________________________

My friend @bolshymum has apparently got 4 kids under 6. I’ve got 7 under 9. We’re now having a sleepover-off. Who will win?
6:55 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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How reasonable is it for me to expect to have all seven kids asleep by 7:30 since we haven’t even had cake yet?
7:25 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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That @bolshymum is onto her 2nd vodka. I can’t drink because the antibiotics I’m on will make me chuck.
6:58 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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Just realised that if we’d had a ‘normal’ birthday party, it would have finished 3 hours ago. Vodka’s looking good right now, vomit and all.
7:30 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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This was the birthday cake. It is also an eerie prediction of how I will look tomorrow.

7:42 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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Now @bolshymum is claiming the winner of the sleepover-off is the 1st to get kids to bed. I’m thinking of it as more of an endurance event.
7:48 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

____________________________________________________________

Kids now watching a movie featuring Lucius Verenus and Diver Dan as Greek Gods. Bedtime seems another life time away.
8:02 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

____________________________________________________________

Movie is violent AND scary. Kids will be up all night either whacking each other with sticks or freaked out of their skulls.
8:14 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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News in that @bolshymum’s kids are all asleep. Everyone here still wired on coke. My husband has slunk off to bed with the whisky.
8:46 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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One 8yo has gone home. I had a tear in my eye as he left. I wanted to go with him.
9:48 PM Aug 28th via Tweetdeck

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Movie finished. Kids releasing pent-up energy by running and shouting. A lot. I’m hiding in the toilet.
10:02 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

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The sleeping bag is a marvelous invention. I’ve zipped all the boys up. They might still be shouting but at least they can’t move.
10:28 PM Aug 28th via Twitter for iPhone

____________________________________________________________

What’s that noise? Oh god. It’s some one telling jokes. At 5:45am. Isn’t the Geneva Convention supposed to prevent this kind of thing?
5:45 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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Husband just asked if I was awake. I pretended to be dead.
5:56 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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2.5 hours to go. I am busy putting everyone’s belongings beside the door to make myself feel better.
7:28 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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I told the parents 10AM. TEN. A. M. Where are they? WHERE ARE THEY?
10:01 AM Aug 29th via Twitter for iPhone

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All guests have gone. The shouting has stopped. Let the over-tired sobbing begin, starting with….  me.
10:35 AM Aug 29th via Tweetdeck

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Daughter just asked if she could have a sleepover for 10 of her closest friends on her 6th birthday. I can’t stop shaking.
11:32 AM Aug 29th via Tweetdeck

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I always find the best way to unwind from hosting a Ben 10-themed party for 14 screaming kids is to take a trip to the local monster mall. Yes: on a Saturday. 

To help you out a little here: imagine my mind is a little like a snowdome where my thoughts gently float around in the liquid. Now, the Ben 10 party was just a little like shaking that snowdome to fuck. And the monster mall? Like taking an AK-47 to said snowdome, blasting its contents into a million trillion pieces and embedding many of them in a nearby wall upon which some teenage punk seems to have tagged their name but upon closer inspection turns out to be a picture of their penis. 

Just sayin’. 

Look, of course I’m being a touch melodramatic. The party was just a normal kids party: you know, kids running around high on sugar and food colouring, screaming and whacking each other with sticks. And the mall was just the usual Saturday arvo consumer bitch-fight. But chuck in a visit from the silent red ninja, a headcold and the promise of a migraine and you’re starting to get the picture. And it’s of someone’s penis on the wall, apparently. 

Still, I feel suitably removed from the whole experience now to share some highlights of the Ben 10 party with you all. 

THE CAKE 

omnitrix_cake

This cake was a labour of love upon which I worked late into the night before the party. When I proudly showed my husband my masterpiece, his informed opinion was that it should be “more green” and “perhaps have a bit of white somewhere”.

At which point I grew exceedingly irate and shouted at him “What is WRONG with you? Don’t you know the difference between a Ben 10 Alien Force Omnitrix cake and a Ben 10 Original Series Omnitrix cake?? Have you never discussed the finer points of differentiation between the two with our firstborn child? I mean, have you even met our son??”

Sheesh.

Luckily I was able to jump onto Twitter and show off about my creation. And there, I felt the love that I was due. Of course, while I was busy showing off and feeling the love, I heard the tell-tale jingle-jangle of bells and stormed into the kitchen just in time to see the cat jump up on the table and get *this close* to licking the cake. What was that old saying again? Was it “pride comes before a cat with an rectum-coated tongue”?

THE PIÑATA

jetray_pinata

For those of you who have read “The NDM Guide to Making Piñatas” and are curious about where this Jetray lay on the NDM Piñata Spectrum (upon which all piñatas should measured, if only it actually existed), let’s just say Jetray ended up being the love-child of the Impenetrable Shark and The Bad, Bad Butterfly.

You see, I had somewhat overestimated the whacking power of the average seven-year-old boy and had built the piñata to withstand a direct nuclear blast. But somewhere in the painstaking paper-mâché process, something had gone terribly terribly wrong. When the pinata was finally cracked open (thanks to some king hits from my husband), there were cries all around of “Ewwwww! These lollies are all soggy!”. Oops, I did it again. 

THE OMNITRIX BREAD

fairybread

Nothing to say here except the the age-old question of how to serve fairy bread to a bunch of seven year old boys bearing makeshift weapons has finally been answered. 

THE AFTERMATH

aftermath

What you see here are Mr Justice’s brand new presents, all ripped out of their wrappings, tossed around the room and firmly ground underfoot with a few handfuls of party food thrown in for good measure. In the cleanup process, I found a grand total of three frankfurters hidden in very surprising places. Which literally put a twist on the adult party game “Hide The Sausage”. 

But when I asked Mr Justice which was his favourite part of the party, it wasn’t the cake. It wasn’t the piñata. It wasn’t even the lame-arse game where I got them to squirt warm water at a plastic alien frozen in an icecube (true story).

It was “hanging out in the bedroom playing with the presents”. 

This, more than anything, sent me a very clear message and that message was this: Next year, don’t be the über-mum party planner, NDM! Just cheerfully usher the guests straight into the bedroom… chuck in a packet of chips, a bottle of lemonade and a bucket to pee in…  And then lock the door for two hours.

Now that’s a party plan that I feel that even I, utterly destroyed as I feel right at this moment, am willing and able to get behind.

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