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Posts Tagged ‘bras trying to say “HELLO!”’

The other day, I posted the following on facebook:

I’m on a school excursion at the zoo. It’s about to piss down. Let’s hope someone’s built an ark…

Turns out nobody had built an ark. Nor had anybody thought of taking The Pixie’s raincoat out of her lunch bag, instead of leaving it behind in the designated lunch-eating area. Nor had anyone even bother checking that the raincoat Tiddles McGee was wearing was actually a raincoat and not, say, just a windbreaker pretending to be a raincoat which offered as much water-resistance as a single sheet of tissue paper. And most certainly, nobody thought of taking any change of dry clothes, unless you count the one lone sock stuffed at the bottom of my handbag, which you probably wouldn’t unless you were a member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

So when the rain came – and it came when we were in the middle of a wide open space with no shelter in sight, of course  – The Pixie ended up wearing my rain coat and I got completely and utterly drenched. (For future reference, here’s a recipe for instant skankiness: wear a brown bra and a lightweight and light-coloured cotton shirt and just add water. Yes, it’s really that simple.)

Of course, I still hadn’t cottoned onto the fact Tiddles was clad in tissue paper until we finally reached shelter and I found him curled in the fetal position in the stroller, sobbing. Yes, I definitely felt I was in the running for ‘Mother Of The Year’ at that point – as well as being eligible for entry in the sparsely-attended and never-televised Over 40s division of a wet t-shirt competition.

Drenched and shivering, Tiddles and I cut our losses and trudged back to the car. Our plans of having an overpriced lunch in the zoo cafe having been washed away like so much dignity, our only option was to go through a drive-thru of some description on the way home.

At the drive-thru, I felt the decent thing to do was to offer the drive-thru attendant an explanation to why I was looking like the creature from the black lagoon and/or why my bra was making such an effort to say “HELLO!” through my shirt. Also, it must be said I just generally have the urge to share my recent experiences with total strangers – this blog being the most sterling example of this.

But the attendant barely even looked at me. And as I went to say “We were just…”, she was already onto the next order on her headset.

Same happened at the food pickup point. The young gentleman merely handed me my food with a ‘Have A Nice Day’ and I drove away, feeling completely invisible. Oh, and still wet.

Shuh! I bet they would have noticed me if I’d gone through the drive-thru in an ark.

But then again… (walks off muttering about the youth of today, etc).

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