Posts Tagged ‘hand-me-down wardrobe’

Recently I had a faux-affair (also known as a “faux-fair” – well, at least by me) and it was all my husband’s fault. No, really.

You see, it all started when my friend MGK had to skip the state and decided to offload some of her excess clothes on me. Yes, I got myself a whole new wardrobe without having to squeeze into a changeroom cubicle with two children under 5 and what is very possibly in the Guinness Book of World Record as “The Widest Pram in the World” only to find I’d gone up a size and have some shop assistant try tell me that “Papaya Whip” was sooooo my colour. So you can imagine how grateful I was for such a gift from dear MGK. 

My husband was a little odd about it all, though. Whenever I wore any of my new acquisitions, he would say that I looked like MGK. After a few such remarks, I turned to him and said: “Is that how you like it, Big Boy?” To which he curtly replied that he thought RR (MGK’s husband) probably gave me the clothes just so I could dress up as MGK for him. 

And that is exactly what he told the Mild-Mannered Lawyer as he chauffeured us in the Love Bus to MGK and RR’s leaving drinks.

“Oh, that’s just great!” I exclaimed. “Thanks for sharing that! With the MML! Of all people.

Anyone who reads this blog regularly enough will know that the MML is a shit-stirrer under that mild-mannered exterior of hers. But since my husband never reads this blog, he probably can claim that he Just. Didn’t. Know. Which is probably something we can safely assume about him when it comes to Most Things. 

So the first thing I had to do when we arrived at the bar was to launch straight into damage control. I marched right up to RR and, bypassing the usual chitchat reserved for such occasions, launched into a rushed explanation about why there might be rumours circulating about him and I having an affair.

“And… and… it’s because of the clothes!” I concluded.

And RR gave me one of those looks which clearly said “What are you talking about, woman.” Believe it or not, I get that look a lot.

But luckily for me, even the lamest of jokes can be revived with the excessive consumption of alcohol, and soon a few others – including the extremely good-natured MGK herself – were joining in the fun. We were all ha-ha-ha-ing and he-he-he-ing as RR began asking me to put on MGK’s jacket and calling me MGK. Which was a relief because there’s nothing worse than being at a party where there are false rumours about you having an affair with someone and That Someone is looking at you like you just pulled your underpants out of the microwave

Anyway, at the end of a fun-filled night, MGK and RR gave me a lift home. RR, a good sport to the last, bid me goodbye by saying “Go to your husband now…”. And my brief faux-fair, dear friends, was over.

(Psssst. Are you reading this, RR? I’m wearing the green polkadot dress… And my husband would like you to know that he’s wearing the pink top…)

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