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Posts Tagged ‘key learnings’

I love it how people often refer to forty as “The Big Four-Oh”. It’s like they don’t want to admit they’re turning O-L-D in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N.

Anyway, I have a new role model for turning 40. It is my friend Mistress M. She sure knows how to see in a new decade in style: big party, live music, great food, lots and lots (and lots) of booze.

However, there were a few key learnings from her recent party which I hope to apply to my own 40th (now only 8 months away, but hey, who’s counting?)

KEY LEARNING ONE: Pace yourself

Mistress M has admitted to me that most of the parties she’s ever thrown, she’s already been considerably half-cut before the first guest arrives. For her fortieth, however, she managed to remain reasonably sober and generally “happy”, mostly by only occasionally taking a sip of her drink, putting it down and then being unable to find it again. I’m not sure if this means she’s achieved a certain level maturity or it’s the early onset of dementia. Either way, it worked for her.

KEY LEARNING TWO: Don’t invite anyone famous

A Famous Person will only end up being harassed by some random drunken fool who will ask personal and vaguely suggestive questions about the Famous Person’s childhood and then stumble against them, spilling their entire glass of champagne down their cleavage in the process. And yes, by “random drunken fool”, I mean “me”.

KEY LEARNING THREE: Stick to the Cocktail Recipe

The recipe for Flirtini clearly states two parts champagne, two parts pineapple juice and one part vodka. Do not, for example, make it five parts vodka and then just wave the other ingredients vaguely near the jug. Also, do not substitute the vodka for absinthe-slash-methylated spirits. It will make people far drunker than they need to be.

And no, Mistress M hasn’t confessed to doing any of these things but it is the only way I can explain how I got so drunk (and foolish) on so few drinks.

KEY LEARNING FOUR: Do not let your husband talk too long with FatherOfCrankyPants

It is most certain that together, they will come up with some vague plan to learn how to surf, rollerblade or scrapbook. Or worse still, they will come up with the idea of starting a band and you will have to stage a hasty intervention before either of them think of including flute solos or “whistling bits“.

KEY LEARNING FIVE: Do not corner FatherOfCrankyPants and recite poetry from your youth

Four words: He felt the pain.

KEY LEARNING SIX: Choose to honour the Birthday Girl by staying late and dancing the night away and NOT by cycling home shortly after 11pm, completely rat-arsed drunk, and then ingloriously vomiting up the Berocca your husband force-feeds you when you get home.

Enough said. But between you and me, I can’t imagine what kind of a person would do such a thing.

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