Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘my best work is behind me’

Dear 2010,

And so it comes time for us to part ways. I do hope we can be remain the best of friends, even though I’m planning on leaping into the arms of another, hopefully even better year.

Still, I won’t pretend it hurts to leave you. After all, we’ve had some pretty good times together.

I won an international blogging award and made my own JPEG as my prize. I was briefly wooed and then unceremoniously dumped by an internationally-renowned literary agent. And I then went on to write a series of open letters to my cat, Gisele Bundchen, my hangover and my  husband’s hangover.

Back at home, Mr Justice turned eight and I was finally able to write about his birth, subsequently popularising the ‘pubic mullet’. Mr Justice, in turn, led a one-boy campaign in preventing a plastic doll from being legally declared his ‘sister’.

The Pixie started school,  joined the ranks of the Girls Who Wear Glasses and gave me the best night of my life at the school disco.

Tiddles McGee finally got to have his mummy all to himself and  bid farewell to nappies, bringing a long era of nappy bags and arse-wiping to an end.

And my husband grew a beard and (allegedly) went on a twelve-day Asian sex tour with the local rugby club.

I also got to interview an inflatable Brad Pitt, befriend a whole gaggle of Hugh Jackmans on facebook and inadvertently give my friend a vibrator for her birthday. I went on to threaten a major Australian advertising agency with my splatter-crapping cat and have a midlife crisis whilst sitting with a king-sized doona cover on my head.

I then turned 40 in the best way possible and managed to persuade everyone that I really was sohotrightnow just through sheer force of personality.

Yep, a lot of good times, 2010. Good times. Classic hits.

Man, you’re going to be a hard act to follow…

Love

The NDM

Read Full Post »

Dear Readers,

I’ll admit that I had to check on dictionary.com whether this was Not Drowning, Mothering‘s ‘biannual’ or ‘biennial’ . Both sounded too close to ‘bi-anal’ for comfort, but you can’t argue with Mother English.

In any case, today marks two years since I opened a WordPress account and started writing. 446 posts, approximately 223,000 words and 7,121 comments later, I’m still here.

To help celebrate this momentous occasion, I invite you all to share your favourite Not Drowning, Mothering post in the comments below. A loose description using key words (i.e. ‘vomit’, ‘Hugh Jackman’ or ‘lactating asian babes’) would be suffice – I will provide the link.

I thank you all for your valued readership and remain, as always, your humble blogging servant,

The NDM

Read Full Post »

Dear 2009,

There’s no way to put this gently: it’s over between us.

Look, it’s not you, it’s me. I’ve moved on. To another year – 2010 is his name. He’s promised me a brand new decade, two kids at school, the occasional sleep-in and the perfect pair of red shoes to turn 40 in. Oh, and (somewhat inexplicably) a sequel to ‘Wall Street’ in which Michael Douglas will look eerily younger than he did in the 1987 original.  Still, that’s more than you ever gave me.

Sure, we’ve had a lot of good times, a lot of laughs. For one thing, you were the year in which I introduced the world to concepts such as Welfington (City of Dreams), The Ninja Administrator and The NDM Children’s Vomit Scale, as well as the term Faux-a-constricta for grass snakes which think they’re much harder than they really are. Oh, and a car game which requires children to shout “BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!” and sing a ‘Dead or Alive’ song Every. Five. Minutes.

You also saw me imagine a dance-off with an opposing gang of kindergarten mums in the Presbyterian Church carpark, flash my tits at a group of mothers at the local dance school, make a tit of myself at a school fundraiser and come up with my own range of NDM merchandise (mostly to cover my tits).

But we had some bad times, too. Let’s face it, this year I raged endlessly against the school’s late pass system, almost got myself incarcerated because of an illiterate cat, and found myself shamelessly harassing Flight CentreAustralian Cosmopolitan and Mia Freedman before finally selling out all together by pimping my children to a current affairs program of ill-repute.

You also saw me bid farewell to my years of childbearing by posting photos of my maternity bras on the internet and get diagnosed with osteoarthritis while my son did the chicken dance in the background. And you made my children vomit a lot – like a lot a lot. Anyone care to remember “Go Vomit On The Mountain“? Didn’t think so.

Is it any wonder I’ve had enough of you?

Anyway, 2010 calls me. I go to him.

Yours no longer,

The NDM

PS. Happy New Year, everyone.

Read Full Post »

Okay, so there have only ever been two NDM polls, and this is one of them. But it’s definitely better than the last one (“We Got Ourselves A Cake Off”) because there are more things to vote for. And more is better, right? Or was that less is more? Whatever. 

This is your last chance to vote for the Bestest NDM Post Ever – the winning post will be announced next Tuesday as part of the Bicentennial Post Celebrations I’ve got planned. I might even give an acceptance speech or maybe just flash my arse at Michael Jackson – whatever takes my fancy at the time. 

Remember: your vote counts… towards the total number of votes. 

If you haven’t read any of the above or, like me, have the memory retention of a over-tired, over-worked mother-of-three, here are some links for your reading pleasure:

The Booger Heard ‘Round The World

Boob-a-licious

Sorry, It’s School Policy

The Finger Of Blame

Gin And Bear It

Other People’s Husbands

Fire

Life At A Funeral

The NDM Guide to Making Piñatas

The Cupboard Rarely Opened

Brand NDM

Your favourite not there? Feel free to email me your vote (notdrowningmother@gmail.com) or comment below.

Read Full Post »