Dear McCann Sydney,
It has been some months since your initial call over the interwaves for ‘Australian Mum Bloggers‘.
I, along with half a zillion ‘Australian Mum Bloggers’, dusted off my CV and sent it off, in the hope of one day making an honest buck from what I love doing most (other than sleeping).
I was excited. After all, I loved that you were looking for someone with “proven experience in the online content space”. It made me walk around muttering ‘Online Content Space: the New Frontier’ to myself for a few days. I was even tempted to include in my application a photo of me sitting at my computer, wearing Spock ears and maybe, just maybe, one of those Seven Of Nine outfits that’d make my breasts look like they were about to start their own blog. But I didn’t.
Perhaps, in hindsight, I should have. You see, I recently found out that some other ‘Australian Mum Bloggers’ had already received rejection letters from you weeks ago.
Me? I’ve received nothing. Nothing.
I mean, don’t you know who I am?
For one thing, you might think I’m just some sad pathetic housewife who likes to write about menstrual accidents. And yes, I am that, but I’m also a sad pathetic housewife who dislikes rejection so much that she will try to pass off a bruise on her leg as the image of Jesus Christ. Remember this, McCann.
For another thing, I know people. Important people. Why, one of my friends won a Creative Emmy just the other day (it’s the same as an Emmy except the statuette apparently comes with its own hand-crocheted cover). Although, having said that, when I tweeted about my friend winning the Creative Emmy on Twitter, nobody seemed to care. Perhaps it had something to do with me also tweeting at the same time about my cat splatter-crapping all over the carpet. People were a bit more concerned about the state of the carpet and the colour of the shit than they were about the Creative Emmy. And me, being me, I went and told my friend that my cat’s shit was evidently more interesting than his Creative Emmy so he might not actually be my friend any more. Still, he said he’d let me have my photo taken with his statuette so my plan is to start claiming I’m a Creative Emmy Award Winning Blogger and make all you McCann folk regret having put my McCV in your McBin and missed your McChance with my McWriting Genius. Are you following me, McCann?
But actually, now that I think more on the subject, my cat is probably the most effective weapon I have at my disposal.
So let me conclude this letter by saying this: I have a splatter-crapping arsehole of a cat who will fuck your soft furnishings up big time.
You have been warned.
Yours sincerely, etc.
The NDM
cc. The Age Online. You’re next.
Hahaha, this is gold. You managed to fit in shit, cats, splatter, a hand-crocheted award cover and more. I bow to your awesomeness. My favourite part is:
‘So let me conclude this letter by saying this: I have a splatter-crapping arsehole of a cat who will fuck your soft furnishings up big time.’ They should be quaking in their boots about now …
I know how to pack a lot into an Open Letter. I can bet McCann Sydney never received a letter as packed as mine. I’ll be surprised if they don’t print it, frame it and hang it in their lobby.
Can you get someone to crochet you up something for your cat’s arsehole to protect your soft furnishings from cat splatter-crap?
Or perhaps shove Creative Emmy up its bum?
The cat’s or McCann’s.
I didn’t apply for fear of rejection *sigh*.
I hope you get a response soon. I now have image of you holding cat over head of CEO of McCann whilst typing away frantically with your other hand 🙂
Bestest of luck!
A crocheted arse-cover for a cat? That’s pure genius. Of course it would have to be disposable because nobody in their right mind would want to wash it… I guess I could just put the cat in nappies?
Oh, McCann, you’ve done it again
… or not done it again, as in this case.
I also applied and haven’t heard anything either….
… perhaps the cat’s got their tongue?
Ha-ha-ha. I write comedy, you know.
Ouch. Yes, we copped some flak for not responding to everyone on AMB – currently we’re at 106 applications – so have had someone go through every single application to pull out the contact details. We’ll be updating everyone next week, as it so happens. But too late for you, obviously. I’m genuinely sorry.
We didn’t expect so many people to apply; it’s a lengthy process reading 5-10 pages from 106 people.
I have only personally responded to a handful of people and I don’t recall ‘rejecting’ anybody; we’re working with a handful of people already.
I responded about this issue on AMB with an update a while back; responding to every email personally would take ages and unfortunately we’re not set up to do that.
I have to admit that it’s not common practice for us to reply individually to all applicants to all jobs – it’s also not something I’ve personally seen or experienced for other roles ever.
Apologies for not meeting your expectations on this.
What’s your cat’s name?
Dear Mark,
Thanks for your prompt response. I feel fully informed, but suspect that, had I actually made your short-list, I have helped you whittle it down to 105. I’m kind like that, if a little on the self-destructive side.
By the way, have you heard of an invention called the “group email”? It’s quite marvelous, really. You put all the email addresses in the BCC field and send one email, informing everyone about the selection process. Yes, *one* email. Amazing stuff.
Thanks again for dropping by my blog.
The NDM
PS. You don’t need to know my cat’s name. He will make himself known to you at the appropriate juncture.
Ha! I read “other than sweeping”!! LOL
Stick with sleeping, so much better!
Sweeping? Are you kidding? I’m crazzzzzy about sweeping… sweeping things under the bed, that is. That way you don’t actually have to tidy them away.
Contemplated becoming a mother just so I could reply to ad. A rush job. Now having second thoughts :p
Very funny. 😀
From the looks of things, you’d be better of getting a cat. Splatter-cats make things happen.
I think Mark is worried about cat splatter. You are a writing genius, don’t worry about that.
Mark *should* be worried about cat splatter. I should know. I’m the one who had to clean it up.
Hi NDM – Surely you’ve come to expect this sort of thing from *advertising* agencies… Broadcasting *announcements* and not being “set up” for dialogue? 🙂
Hi Mark – Great to see a lightning-fast, honest and real response. But I would expect nothing less.
The only thing I would question is your point that “I have to admit that it’s not common practice for us to reply individually to all applicants to all jobs – it’s also not something I’ve personally seen or experienced for other roles ever.”
When it comes to “jobs” or “roles” in marketing or advertising I agree entirely – it’s massively time consuming, unfeasible and not standard practice to reply to all applicants. However I wonder whether it’s right to treat bloggers the same as any other “job” applicant?
cheers
Nathan
PS. As long as the cat stays out of the bin, it will all be ok…
You’re right. It’s not good to treat bloggers like “other” job applicants. For one thing, they have tools like blogs upon which to publish Open Letters expressing their outrage.
I felt that this type of mass casting to a huge audience might have ended up like this so I did not apply either – I have been in Mark’s shoes before and it is difficult, but I did have someone take the time to respond as I know that takes only a minutes compared with hours it takes for someone to prepare a CV.
Perhaps in future it is best for agencies such as McCann to “shop around” AMB members and get a feel for who might be appropriate before approaching them directly.
A more time effective way maybe…. and perhaps avoid some angst within the blogging community?
Yours Sincerely
Mrs Woog
From the Naremburn Woogs
PS NDM – go put your cat next to your bins and call crazy UK cat dumper to come fix the problem xox
Dear Mrs Woog,
You offer Mark sage advice.
You also have brightened my day considerably. There’s such a service as a Cat Collection Agency? How soon can they be here??
Love
The NDM
@Nathan and Mrs Woog You’re both right. Thank you.
#**BAM!**# Take that McCANN! You sure know how to reject rejection, NDM. You Go girl!
Thanks, Annie. I’m not the type to take rejection lying down – unless, of course, I’m extremely very drunk and need to take a little nap.
Don’t fall for the ‘what’s your cat’s name’ tactic! That is so OFF TOPIC it’s not funny!
Those wily ad agency folk are tricksy. Don’t worry, the only thing that would distract me right now is a lucrative job offer (*hint hint*)
I think that ‘we’re working with a handful of people already’ means that if we haven’t heard, we’re probably not ‘right’ for the position.
Me too.
Who *are* these handful? Did one of their friends win a Creative Emmy? I think not!
Ah NDM, the heady climb to the peak of Blogging Mountain is indeed fraught with many obstacles. I’m sure you will be successful in the fullness of time. Remember wealth and fame are fleeting,and I’m sure you’d rather remain grounded, and in touch with your humble fans. Or maybe not………… 🙂
Worry not, fendy. I am surveying the rather unremarkable view from the heights of mediocrity. I can see all three of my fans quite perfectly from here.
Love it! I was another candidate who got rather excited only to hear nada. My cat is prince of the half-eaten food spew – maybe they can join forces!
Love it! We could unleash an army of arsehole cats!
Dear NDM
I just received an email from Mark Pollard who suddenly found the time to email me.
You. Are. Remarkable.
And white vinegar is great for cat splatter.
Love
S
Thanks for sharing the white vinegar tip. I have a feeling it will come in handy – not just for me, but for poor old Mark, too.
After I read your comment, I checked my email to see if I, too, had heard from Mark. Alas! There was none. I was about to put on my ‘sad face’ when I noticed that I had one unread letter in my spam folder.
It was a proud moment for this humbled blogger. Not only did all the people who applied for the job get a response but they also got a link to this post. So while I may not be working for McCann (now or ever), for one brief moment, I got them working for me.
I didn’t get a reply, not even in my spam folder!
I hasten to add the email from the estimable Mr Pollard was of the “holding pattern” variety, but it was very nice all the same.
And largely thanks to you.
You should really have a job there you know.
You clearly are the kind of driving force they need
Thank you, Seraphim. I used to be an admin shit-kicker, so I’m extremely accomplished at getting things done when I have to. But not the housework. Never the housework.
This made me love you a little bit more. Then I read your reply to Mark and I am thinking I may have to leave my husband for you. Well done. Thanks for saying what we all wanted to. My hero!
Thank you, Beth.
My own husband is quite excited about the prospect of you coming to live with us…
Wow.
I have had a reply from every job I have ever applied for, and replied to every applicant I have ever had for a role at my office. Its normal, as far as I am concerned.
And Mark lives in a world where job applicants don’t even get a reply? Like, not even a group email saying sorry, no luck?
Far out. I don’t like the sound of that world. No manners AT ALL.
I’m not going there, ever. (well, not unless they offer 150k+phone and car)
Everyone has a price, Jacquie. Even my cat.
But you’re right. It’s about manners and acknowledgment of the time it takes to put together an application. Increasingly, more and more job seekers are sending things out into the void with never a response. Even an automatic response saying the job application has been received and the candidates who make the shortlist will be contacted is enough, don’t you think?
PS. When I say ‘even my cat’, I suspect that price is higher than I’m willing to pay.
C’mon, admit it, you and *Mark* are in cahoots. I bet his real name isn’t even Mark. I bet he doesn’t even exist! You put him and all those other people commenting up to it. Cos it’s just too funny to be real. Too. Funny.
Would that my imagination could stretch to such limits. It’s all real, Muliercula. Except the crocheted cover for the Creative Emmy (unfortunately).
Well, you certainly get results NDM, I will give you that! Well done!
Yes, I get results. They may not always be the results I want but they’re better than nothing.
I’m surprised to read they *only* got 106 applicants. I reckon I know that many bloggers who applied alone.
I smell a rat (or maybe it’s your puss). (Please don’t take that personally)
No, it’s my cat’s crap you can smell. It lingers in the carpet like drunken guests at a party. Too bad Seraphim’s white vinegar advice came too late.
I must admit that I, too, am confused about the 106. I thought that was the number on the shortlist and not the (surprisingly small) number of applicants, as some are now claiming.
Perhaps Mark might clarify this for us? Mark? Are you still there??
I’m not a mummy blogger myself but I sent the job ad to a friend who forwarded me Mark’s group email where he published your blog post. See all is not lost!
“You don’t need to know my cat’s name. He will make himself known to you at the appropriate juncture.” – I think you’re hilarious and it’s McCann’s loss if they don’t include you in their team.
I hav no bloody idea who McCann is/are. I’m just glad I’m not them/him/it/her…
NDM,
long-time fan, first-time commenter and the whole shebang has been pretty enlightening. I, too, sent in an application, although following Mr Polyp’s, sorry, Pollard’s reply to the sweeping general public, I’ve learned why I didn’t hear a more personal response.
Other bloggers sent in five pages?! FIVE PAGES?!! I sent in three lines: “I’m a mother. I’m a blogger. Here’s my blog. Call me.”
So, while I did get a group email (including a link to your wonderful Open Letter), I think I was bloody lucky to get that. Probably they felt sorry for me. “Poor cow, she doesn’t even know how to apply for jobs and shit.”
Anyhoo, good luck with the Kidspot Top 50 Dunk Island thingy and I love your blog.
cheers,
f
(And of course, by ‘sweeping general public’ I meant mummy bloggers who actually sweep… which isn’t really me.)