My husband once remarked that I was extremely good at making my own fun. He’s right.
Why, just the other day I realised I was approaching 400 ‘likers’ on Facebook so I decided to run another ‘give away’. Some readers may remember the last ‘giveaway’ I ran which resulted in me sending one lucky person a picture of a dog! Wearing a hat! Smoking a cigar!! (see ‘Picture Perfect’).
This time, I decided to go that little bit further. Inspired by a photo I found on my internet travels of a Japanese woman wearing a ‘Hair Protector’ while she ate a bowl of noodles, I got busy making a noodle hair protector for The Pixie’s ‘sister’ Abby. This, if you think about it, was a veritable Sara Lee Danish full of irony (“layer upon layer”) because A) Abby doesn’t actually have any hair to protect from noodles – or anything else for that matter – and B) Abby can’t even eat noodles because she’s a fucking plastic doll.
The kids watched with some small amount of awe while I was carefully folding paper and cutting strips of sticky tape.
“What are you doing?” one of them asked, after a while.
“I’m making a Noodle Hair Protector for Abby.”
“Why?”
“Uh… I really don’t know,” was the honest answer. After all, it was before seven o’clock in the morning and I hadn’t even had my coffee yet.
“But mark my words,” I assured the kids. “You are witnessing Genius In Action.”
Arguably, it was more “Genius Inaction” but what the hey, I took a photo of Abby wearing it and sent it off to my giveaway winner with some small sense of satisfaction. The NDM: changing the world one strange photograph at a time.
I waited and waited for the winner’s email reply. Nothing came. I grew despondent. It was hauntingly like that dark day I sent a bunch of people a picture of a watermelon cut into the shape of the Death Star and not a single one of them thanked me. Not a single one.
In my despair, I reached out to touch somebody. I decided to write to my new friend Mark Pollard of [advertising agency] McCann Australia. My email went something like this:
Dear Mark,
I expect I haven’t heard from you for a while because you’ve been busy briefing your legal team. Whether it’s for an employment contract, legal suit or a restraining order, time will tell.
In the meantime, I wanted to reassure you that I am totally fine with being flown to Sydney and put up at the Sheraton On The Park at McCann’s expense. You know, in case you were wondering.
Incidentally, my husband stayed at the Sheraton On The Park for work a few weeks ago and he bought me back the room service breakfast menu as a present because he’d spent all his money on his room service breakfast. We subsequently enjoyed many happy hours laughing at the exorbitant prices and making owl impressions by looking through those little holes you hang the menu on the door handle with. I would have sent you a photo of me making an owl impression except my husband appears to have put the menu in the recycling. I did, however, spend *at least* five minutes searching for it which should show you how serious I am about furthering our professional relationship.
Instead, I’ve attached a picture of my daughter’s ‘sister’ wearing a home-made Noodle Hair Protector.
I look forward to hearing from your legal team,
The NDM
PS. Hope you don’t mind but I’ve decided to bring that spunky Todd from ‘The Gruen Transfer’ in on our conversation.
cc. Todd Sampson, CEO of Leo Burnett, Australia
Happily, Mark replied within the hour. He began his email with the words “I think you need your own TV show”. There were some other minor details about not being able to pay me and (perhaps) some small hint about “email harassment” but basically, I think he’s definitely about to offer me my own Reality TV series…
See? I really can make my own fun and soon I’ll be making yours, too, on a small screen near you.
________________________________
Edited to add: Rest assured, the winner of my giveaway did respond – Facebook just decided to fuck with my head and hide it from me. She said: “Best prize I ever won. My eyes hurt.”
Edited to also add: Somewhat surprisingly, that Spunky Todd from ‘The Gruen Transfer‘ has yet to respond, however. I expect he’s now in meetings with his lawyers, too.
Man, sorry to leave you hanging like that! Flippin’ Facebook! Awesome prize, awesome. X
Oh, Alicecrumbs. I’m glad you’ve voluntarily stepped forward as the Mystery Winner. I’m always hesitant to identify people by name in this blog in case it ends in (another) law suit.
I hope you are still enjoying your prize. The more you look at it, the more you will enjoy it. It is the gift that keeps on giving.
Is it ok to admit I might be a little bit in love with you? Not stalker-love, just yet. But certainly a bloggy-girly-crush love.
Enough to like you on FB!
I like the inclusion of the words “just yet” – it is full of promise of what is yet to come…
Melissa, if you offer to baby sit, I bet NDM will put out for ya.
LMAO! What Mum WOULDN’T put out for somebody who’s willing to baby sit for them? 😉
Nuh, uh. The NDM – as stated in a previous blog – does not ‘put out’. However, I might just take some ‘Special Photographs’ (emphasis on ‘special’) in exchange for babysitting services offered.
Spunky Todd is on Talkin Bout your Generation on Tuesday night. Although I’m sure you already know this, with tracking his every move and everything.
You’re a dead-set ideas woman. If I see a woman on New Inventors with a doll sporting an anti-noodle cover, I know I will have finally spied you.
Under appreciated, you time is coming.
Contrary to popular belief (i.e. Mark and Todd), I am not stalking anyone. I am merely wanting to share the love of a small plastic doll called Abby, whose not-quite-hair is amply protected from the evil in this world called ‘noodles’.
That is all.
Is that such a crime?
I think the noodle protector has much merit and you could potentially take over, or create a rival to, New Inventors.
Defiitely.
I’m sorry the room service menu went awol.
(As an aside, the keys on my keyboard keep moving this morning and that took me 10 mins to type, so I’m not saying any more …)
The keys are moving? Isn’t it supposed to be your fingers that move while the keyboard stays still? ARE YOU DRUNK?? I hope so.
I bet Mark felt funny in the tummy when he realised you are stalking him. And I am pleased and agree with him re your own TV show. And I will come room with you at the Sheraton as we can plan you new assault. xo
I think it’s fair to say that Mark is pretty glad he’s made my acquaintance and is still concerned for his soft furnishings should he make Genghis Cat’s acquaintance.
As for the use of the word “stalking”, I’ve addressed that in my response to Bern Morley (above).
We must be very sensitive about which words we use to describe my behaviour. After all, there may yet be a lengthy court case in which such behaviour is discussed in great detail.
You are flipping hilarious NDM! You make my day brighter.
Glad to hear it, lelah. I aim to please…
I do hope Abby is enjoying her noodle protector. I even managed to find a picture of this amazing creation: http://www.concurringopinions.com/archives/images/japanese_invention.jpg I have no idea how I’ve gotten so far in life without one.
Mr Justice will be most put out that Abby has one, and he doesn’t. (Or does he?)
Well done, Kate. That picture is indeed the very one that inspired me to these Great Acts.
I love it because it’s like one of those Tudor-style ruffs but around your face instead of your neck. Nice.
There must be a lot of MSG-related hair damage in Japan to warrant such a thing.
Can we see the picture of Abby’s home made noodle hair protector? Pleeeaaze? I’m imagining an elaborate hair net, complete with ear muffs, constructed entirely out of home made noodles but I suspect I could be off on a wrong track there…
Let’s just say this: having told my husband I’d made a noodle hair protector for Abby, I then showed him the photo. He was disappointed.
“But I thought it was made of noodles!” he cried.
I grew angry. “What do you mean? It’s supposed to protect your hair from noodles. HOW CAN IT PROTECT YOUR HAIR FROM NOODLES IF IT, ITSELF, IS MADE OF NOODLES? IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!”
My husband agreed with me. “Yes, it doesn’t make sense. None of it.”
I rest my case.
I must say, dear the NDM, that this has given me pause for thought when next I hear myself screeching at the tsunamis to “go and make your own fun.” Yes, definite pause for thought…
Yes, I feel like I’m a good role model for my own children – as long as I never ever let them go anywhere near a computer with an internet connection.
You never fail to crack me up NDM, I bow to thee!
Why, thank you. Do you mind, while you’re bowing before me, helping me pick up the lego strewn all over the loungeroom floor? Thanks.
NDM, I think it best your husband remains unable to make sense of your ramblings, OR your manic thought processes. It’ll only fuck with his head, and at least ONE of the family needs to stay on an even keel. If he ever needs counselling {actually, it’s inevitable} ,please let me know………
Aw, c’mon, Fendy. You read my blog often enough to know that my husband is *just as strange if not stranger* than me.
I think the noodle hair protector has flipped your mind – certainly mine. Please let us know if Spunky Todd responds. He flips my mind.
I think Spunky Todd has better things to do with his time than read small-fry blogs like mine. Like being spunky on television, for example…
OK I finally have to comment … I feel guilty for visiting regularly to greedily claim the lolz I just KNOW will be forthcoming, & then skulking away without so much as a thank you for the entertainment.
You not only know how to make your own fun, NDM, you know how to make mine too! xx
Well, thank you, Sue. It was worth making that noodle hair protector just to lure you out of the shadows for a moment.
You absolutely crack me up..
In a good way, right? I mean, you’re not going to sue me or anything…
I also read “Noodle Hair Protector” and pictured a hair protector made of noodles. I was thinking if you put a plastic bowl upside down and sprayed it with olive oil and then put soggy noodles over it like its a basket then it would dry and you could cut out as required…but then I’ve been watching too much Mister Maker.
That’s all very interesting but what the hell would it be protecting you from? You really need to think that one through before you A) start making it and B) start sending photographs of it to advertising executives.
As an aside: I love Mister Maker – except that his theme song stays in my head far longer than is entirely desirable. “La-la-la-la… Mister Maker!”.
No words..just cacking myself here. I love the strange and convoluted way your mind works.
Ok so that was some words afterall.
Oh and spunky Todd?..see this shows a modicum of sanity.. really, none of this makes sense…