I am an extremely accomplished multi-tasker – as long as you don’t expect any of those tasks to be completed well or, indeed, completed at all.
The other day I found myself in the kitchen making pizza dough, chicken madras and a custard tart simultaneously – and all from scratch. And please don’t ask me why because I’d have to bore you with a long convoluted answer about ‘chicken on the verge of an expiry date’, a husband returning from a three day business trip and a sick child’s plaintive pleas for a pizza dinner.
But nothing – nothing – can explain the custard tart… Except, perhaps, that it was a book group night and I’d earned myself a bit of a reputation as the bearer of freshly baked goods. I mean, let’s face it: I have to contribute something worthwhile to the group, especially since I tend to have read most of my book group books asleep and/or drunk. So I guess I can explain the custard tart, after all.
Anyway, there I was, already juggling recipe books, ingredients and sharp knives, when I decided to start tweeting about my endeavours.
Luckily, only one twitter friend, ‘cookingkt responded. “That’s a whole lotta kitchenbusy…. Hope there’s wine and music in the background?!” she said.
I think we can all agree that alcohol was the last thing this particular scenario needed. As it was, I still managed to make a complete mess of things completely sober.
In my defence, I don’t know why most pizza dough recipes insist on letting it rise a second time. It’s like the ‘difficult second album’ – agonising for everyone involved. And because I’d ambitiously started off with the dough with less than hour until my children officially expired with hunger, I had to settle for two ‘micro-rises’. It’s the kind of thing that makes a woman wish someone’d invent a kind of viagra for pizza dough. (“Is that pizza dough in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?”)
In case you are wondering, the results were spectacular – if, that is, that you count a pizza crust that’s just like cardboard parboiled in paper glue as “spectacular”.
And the custard tart? Let’s just say it brought to mind that Spice Girls’ song ‘When Two Become One’ because the crust rose up to greet the filling and the whole thing became one big biscuity omelette – ‘frit-tart-a’, if you will. Badoom tish! Yes, I’m here all week. Try the fish. But not the custard tart, obviously.
As for the chicken madras… Well, I didn’t get to sample it before I left the house for book group but when I got home there was a note on the table from my husband saying “That was the best curry I ever had.”
Admittedly, his handwriting was a little shaky. I personally like to think it was because of all the emotion he must have been feeling after eating such a magnificent meal and not, say, because he’d just spent three hours vomiting in the toilet and could barely grasp the pen.
Still, there it was: Best. Curry. Ever.
So I’ve decided I won’t be sad. One out of three certainly isn’t “all good”, but it isn’t “all bad” either, right?
(Anyone got a good recipe for Meat Loaf?)
I call that success all round, myself. You pass the custard fri-tart-a (love it) off to the bookclub as an exotic Polish biscuit dessert to go with the latest Gunter Grass, you rouse on the kids for eating what was clearly a recipe for new frisbees not dinner for godsake, what were they thinking and you let the husband know that you’ll be making the best. curry. ever again tomorrow night and watch his face for any flicker of remorse for errant note writing.
Then you grab that bottle of wine and the unread Gunter Grass and take yourself quietly off to the bathtub.
I like your thinking. It’s what I call “A Plan”.
Unfortunately the fri-tart-a slid straight from the baking dish into the bin. A normal person would have given up at that point and taken along a packet of Milk Arrowroots to book group. But I actually made some last-minute choc-chipped cookies – a bad move for someone who was clearly running low in Cooking Mojo. The cookies turned out to be on the edible side of ‘crap’.
I am very impressed and I could only do all of that while drinking at least one bottle of wine….
Yes, it takes a cook with considerable talents to ruin a custard tart without the aid of alcohol.
Very impressive. I cannot make a good curry, but I make a fabulous pizza base from scratch. Kids won’t touch it though. ‘Too yeasty’ apparently. (Read: Is not covered in greasy, fatty toppings.). And my gluten free french sticks turn out like cricket bats.
Your kids are obviously gastronic connoisseurs – the only word my kids know to dismiss food with is ‘yucky’ or – at a stretch – ‘bisgusting’ (and no, that b is not a typo).
So it’s not only my kids who use the word “bisgusting”. Do yours use “bessert” (the usually sweet course that comes after mains) as well?
Yes! ‘Bessert’ regularly follows the main meal in our house.
A recipe for meatloaf? Meatloaf doesn’t have a recipe, you just do it!
But check out my Fizz blog, there’s an Aussie version. http://thingsthatfizz.blogspot.com/2008/12/meatloaf-downunder.html
AV
I meant a recipe to cook the 70s rock outfit ‘Meat Loaf’ but your recipe will do just fine. Thank you.
I saw that tweet about pizza, chicken madras and custard tart and remember thinking, “Wow, this lady doesn’t care that those things aren’t in the same cuisine groups to each other. Awesome!”
This makes sense now. I related to the pizza dough, sort of: How do you know when it’s stopped rising the second time? Whenever I make it, just when I think it’s stopped rising, it rises some more. It’s like trying to calm Ron Jeremy down.
Usually my posts just confuse things further rather than clarify them, so I’m really quite pleased.
I think I’m the last person you should ask about rising dough, however.
I saw your Tweet and thought you were joking or drunk.
I’m both quite impressed with the good intentions, and amused at the outcome. I never do 3 things from scratch at once. So in any event, bravo!!!
I certainly can be applauded for my bold intentions, if not my pathetic results.
As for whether I am joking or drunk on twitter, I think it’s safe to assume that I am usually both.
Ooooooohhhhhh…that clarification really helps. Thanks much!
If that was me I would have been drinking wine and three things would have come into play in a damn hurry; Pedro’s Pizza Bar, Indian Takeaway and Richard’s Bakery.
Plus a bottle of wine, surely?
It was me who tweeted, (cooking_kt) and i stand by my suggestion of adding alcohol and music to the mix… It would’ve taken the stress out of it AND you could’ve played the spice girls! 😉
Your counsel was wise. If only I’d chosen to follow it (perhaps not with the Spice Girls, though)…
Oh dear. Poor MR NDM spends several hours barfing after you fed him three different things. The poor dear won’t even know which one you poisoned him with. Nothing like covering your tracks……. 😉
If I’d *really* wanted to cover my tracks, I’d have put the curry in a takeaway container and pretended it was the local curry house had poisoned him…
Mmmmm – biscuity omelette…..
It’s almost an attractive proposition as ‘floor pie’.
Home-made pizza and chicken madras curry- two of my favourites to make at home. Haven’t tried custard tart for a while but would be happy to share the single-rise pizza dough recipe I use if you are willing to spill your best-curry-ever madras recipe. 🙂
The grand irony is I completely stuffed up the ‘best ever curry’ recipe by throwing the garam masala in at the beginning and not at the end and forgetting to add the stock. Not sure if I can ever replicate it…
But if you wanted to email me your single rise pizza dough recipe, I’d reward you with a very special prize. No, really!
Let me guess, a picture of a barbie doll decked out in a Twilight-inspired outfit riding a puppy dog or something…? I haven’t quite caught on to your fascination with those kind of weird twisted pictures but I’ll send you the recipe anyway 🙂
i believe i can cook and bake ‘ok’ (ish) when i have only one meal to do, enough time and no public. the more people or recipes get involved, the more i get frazzled and the outcome is mostly uncertain. one out of 3 is a great score, bravo!
i could not trust my husband on a note like this though as he has a tendancy to respice my curries and also uses food flattery to get to me for other favours lol
Ah, ‘Food flattery’. The currency of marriages throughout the ages…
‘best ever curry’. Better than your snow holiday special? Now that truly was the best home-made curry I’ve ever tasted and I’ve been trying to recreate it myself ever since.
You make a great curry, NDM. You’re like the Keith Floyd of the Western Suburbs. Except funnier, nicer, less sozzled and female. So nothing like him at all then.