Yes, the rumours are true. Through a heady combination of persistence, persuasion and outright blackmail, I’ve managed to get myself named as a finalist for the Australia/NZ category of the 2010 Bloggies.
Now, before anyone starts muttering “Whoopie-fucking-shit” and hinting that making the Aus/NZ finalists is like qualifying for the Alice Springs Ski Squad or being selected for the English cricket team, let me say this: there’s a lot of talent out down under and I feel very honoured (if a little surprised) to have made it thus far. Fact.
Okay, so that’s enough of being gracious and modest and that. Let’s talk Strategy…
Honestly, it’s like an episode of The West Wing in my humble little house right now, what with the amount of campaign talk going down. Except that instead of all that walking and fast talking, there is a lot of running (kids) and loud shouting (me). Also there’s no talk of the Iowa Caucus because, although I’ve watched all seven seasons of The West Wing a number of times, I still have no idea what a caucus is or what the hell it is doing in Iowa. I just know that someone ought to clean that shit up.
ANYWAY, so far the only vaguely strategic thing I’ve managed to do is post a link on facebook. Oh, and I’ve briefly contemplated streaking at the Australian Open with N-D-M emblazoned across my ample arse.
Yes, I’m a winner alright.
Now, let’s talk Message.
As I write, my quiet little blog is being trampled by hundreds of Bloggies Tourists wondering what the hell “yet another Mommy Blogger” is doing in the finalists. In fact, my Campaign Media Liaison (i.e. me) uncovered one critical remark on twitter accusing the Australian/NZ nominations for being “basically women’s mags done as blogs”.
I was deeply affronted by this allegation. For one thing I couldn’t think of a single women’s mag on the market that would call Elmo a prick, advocate anal botox or suggest microwaving underpants to get them dry.
Nor could I think of a single women’s mag that would publish this photo:
Or this one:
Or even this one:
Basically, you could say I’m “just another Mommy Blogger”. But if all Mommies (and indeed Mummies) are like me, then you should also start praying for the future of our planet. After you’ve voted for me HERE, that is.
Gotcha back baby!
Are you getting me back or have you got my back? *So* confused.
*sigh*
If I wasn’t despondent enough about my own chances of winning (for my own blog LIFE & OTHER CRISES) now I feel utterly hopeless, for despite my blog (LIFE & OTHER CRISES) being pretty good, it can’t possibly compete with photos of vomiting dollies & pornographic veggies.
So with defeat in my heart, and a nod to your superior brilliance, I wish you all the best for your campaign, and slink defeatedly back to my own (nominated, finalist) blog (LIFE & OTHER CRSES).
With best wishes,
KerriSackville
writer of LIFE & OTHER CRISES
finalist for Aust/NZ Categoryy of 2010 Bloggies
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I was just upstaged. AND ON MY OWN BLOG.
Them’s fighting words, Sackville.
Using three of my many aliases I cast votes last night. Can you call off the three wicked Elmo dolls that are standing outside my front door chanting “Vote NDM, vote NDM” now please?
I think “wicked Elmo dolls” is a tautology… but yes, consider them called off.
You are a genius, that is all.
P.s Don’t forget about the bookmark deal when you becoma all famous like. I will ensure that Petal whips up bookmarks in between tapping and Jazz hands.
I’m still waiting for that prototype bookmark, Tara…
Urm, yes, well about that, you see…..oh look, is that a flying elephant ?
NDM, there is NO ONE like you. You are crazier than Kerri Sackville, if that’s possible. Having said that, it’s a photo finish. You BOTH deserve to win……….
*Of course* we both deserve to win, but I deserve it just that little bit more, don’t I? DON’T I?
I will take the 5th admendment on that one, for fear the loser will wreak vengeance……..
hahahaha fantastic post. Congratulations on your nomination.
Thank you – and congratulations on yours!
now i know where @Gabfran found out about anal botox! u haz mah vote
If nothing, I educate people. Thanks for the vote…
That vegie pornstar totally gets my vote.
…if I hadn’t already voted for my VERY OWN FINALIST BLOG (thanks, Kerri, for the ‘sneaky product placement’ trick). Congrats!
Ally @ today is my birthday!
ps the pirate costume was for a work do, he was an Indian Captain Jack Sparrow and I was some kind of drunken Miss Swan (in a Gem and the Holograms costume).
Might I suggest that everybody flee this sinking ship and head over to Ally’s blog (also nominated) to read her haiku tribute to the men she has shagged:
http://terriblyexciting.blogspot.com/2009/04/haiku.html
Gave me the biggest laughs in ages…
I’m giggling now, a lot. Good luck with the voting!
Oh and the baby took the bottom of my fridge off the other day. I put it right back on again, with my eyes closed. If I didn’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
… which is exactly why that dust baffle should NEVER EVER be removed. Not under any circumstances.
Thanks for stopping by…
Oh my god I never even knew there was a dust baffle that could be removed! I shudder to think what could have happened if I unwittingly knocked it off with an errant champagne cork or something. You have saved me from inclusion in one of those ‘How Clean Is Your House’ specials, I’m sure of it. See, the service you provide!
Those errant champagne corks! The trouble they cause…
I used to have a section called “The Gallery of Domestic Godlessness” where people sent me in pictures of their domestic triumphs. It started making people physically ill so the Health Department asked me to remove it.
Still laughing about the Iowa Caucus comment. (And yes, I am a bloggie tourist- first time visitor.) I never realized how weird the US political system looked to the rest of the world until my daughter brought her British fiance to visit.
By the way, my favorite thing about Australia was LAMB CHOPS for breakfast!! Best of luck with the bloggies.
Thanks for stopping by and for laughing at my lame jokes. Honestly, seven seasons of the West Wing and I’m no closer to understanding your political system. But then again, I did watch many of those episodes under the influence of a newborn baby or copious amounts of alcohol.
I voted for you! I hope it makes a difference. I always enjoy reading your posts – they always cheer up my day!
Thank you, Jennie. Much appreciated. Especially because I didn’t have to threaten you to get you to vote. It makes a change.
I haven’t seen this much jostling for power and promises of favours to come since I ran for the student council of my high school in the early 1980s. My motto was ‘Ebony and Ivory Live Together In Perfect Harmony’ even though there were only white children attending the school. Also I fought for free hair gel in all bathrooms and common rooms.
You will Maxine McKew this, @NDM. Not sure I can commit voter fraud on your behalf, I mean what else can explain Nationals Senator Barnaby Joyce?, – but I will do what I can to fly your flag.
And despite my geographical disadvantage, I will require that cupcake should you be elevated to ‘blog peerage.
P.S. The Mommy Bloggers comment that spurred your post was a bit fucking condescending…
I wish you lived closer and could run my campaign for me. “Ebony and Ivory”? That’s sheer perfection.
And yes, it was a bit condescending. But hey, I’m just a girl. What would *I* know?
You have my vote love! Well deserved nomination – and I hope you bloody well win!
Thank you, Nicola. I’ve got fuck-all chance of a win, but it doesn’t stop a girl from trying, right?
Am so glad I came for a read today – bugger the use of my tiny amount of internet – its worth it – like settling in to watch one of my favorite tv shows again 🙂 very reassuring and highly amusing 🙂 thank you and congratulations – well deserved 🙂
Thanks, lifeslightlyused. Hope you sort out that internet access stuff soon. We’re missing you in the twitterverse.
Congratulations. I already voted and noticed other finalists in other catorgories, and your in the big leagues, baby. Will you forget us when you’re big and famous?
And you really don’t want to know what a caucus is. It’s sort of how you used to vote for class president when you were a little kid. Most Americans have no idea what it is.
And I totally miss The Gallery of Domestic Godlessness.
Thank you, faemom. And thanks, too, for being my heavily-pregnant American Cheerleader over on your own blog site – see: http://faemom.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/wanna-laugh/.
I’m a mummy too so right up my alley!! Love the fridge shot, um, no, no glossy magazine would show that but yes, that just means you’re REAL!! Good luck, i found you through the Bloggies, love Posie
Yes, I’m totally real. Even my boobs.
Thanks for your good wishes. I need all the luck I can get!
Just voted the heck out of this…
Hey! You rocked the vote!
Congrats…read down a few of your post, hilarious! You deserve that award!
Thank you so much. I’m not sure that I “deserve” the award but I certainly am most desperate to have it.
Hey nice work on the Popularity Whore front!
I tell ya, you don’t check your fav blog for a while, and then, bam! Next thing you know, they shot off into the stars….
Thanks, rubytwoshoes. Yes, they don’t call me a Popularity Whore for nothing.
Not sure if I’m in the stars yet – still sitting in my back room with children hanging off me, occasionally stopping to mop up a puddle of kid-piss from the kitchen floor.
Clearly you get my vote. Even if hadn’t been in love with you the fridge photo would have put me over the edge.
I find the fridge photo does it every time. I should carry a copy around in my wallet – you know, as an icebreaker at parties.
Frankly I’m just glad to see it wasn’t yet another shopping blog or recycled photo blog that got up! it distresses me somewhat that many of the top blogs in this country, that are by women, are about shopping and shoes. There’s more to life folks…..
There *is* more to life – for example, drinking, fighting and shooting wild boar.
Oh, and blogging.
I am crying joyful tears of recognition @ ur fridge! PML!!!
It’s always a relief to see that it’s Not Just You, isn’t it?
OMG – I am now totally torn – there is a part of me that wants to find the dust baffle thingy and clean it, ‘ cause, seriously, that is the scariest thing I have ever seen in my life and I don’t want that filth in my house…. but the other part of me soooo does not want to go there. If I ignore it will it go away (she asks, as she sits with her legs curled up under her and swaying slowly back and forth)
I am paralised with fear – I am the definition of inertia, I am glued to my chair in front of the computer – aarrgghh